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I know what he's trying to say. Say my goodbyes. End all relationships.
"I can’t travel?" I ask.
"You will be traveling. A lot. We have many meetings to attend with other world leaders. It’s important they get used to your face. America is not our most pressing concern, though. We will get there in due time."
I listen to my father ramble on about politics. It's the only thing he can ever discuss with me. Nicole had mentioned that I never spoke about them. It's hard speaking about people I don't know. She’d said that I was hard to read, that I was difficult to get to know without asking questions outright.
The truth is, I'm not sure what there is to get to know anymore. I'm a product of my circumstances now. What do I have to offer her that's unique and my own, not influenced by who I'm supposed to become?
Not much, I suspect, so far. And not much at all when the time comes for me to take my rightful place as leader of a country.
"Don’t disappoint me, Thomas," my father says. "You are the only heir to the throne. If you don’t step in, we will have to hand over our country to distant family in Poland, and it will mean nothing. Everything we have done will be for nothing."
I sigh. I had learned about the distant family when I was young. I was encouraged to dislike them due to their heritage. If something were to happen to me before I have an heir, they'd become the leaders of something that's been in our family for centuries.
"You have made it clear how serious this is," I say. "I know I have to come back. I made a deal with you, and I will honor it. You don’t need to treat me like a child."
"We’ll make a king of you yet," my father says. "For now, you are just a prince. I will see you on Tuesday morning after you have refreshed yourself."
The line goes dead. I stare at my phone’s screen. This is my future. This is what waits for me on the other side.
Great.
I don't have many loose ends to tie up. I have a few friends and little else now that I'm done with my studies.
It's only Nicole left in my life now. I'll have to lose her, though. I won't tell her who I am. I can't take her with me. There's no way she'll give up her life for me, and I wouldn’t ask her to do that. It's her independence that has drawn me to her, among so many other things that I’ve fallen for.
Yes, I’ve fallen for her. Fallen in love. I've never cared about any of the women in my life, and God knows there's been a lot of them. But just as my life here in America is coming to an end, I've come across the one woman I would have liked to spend more time with.
I hate the fact that I’ve fallen in love. She's everything a woman should be, kind, generous, and compassionate, but completely herself, too. And I have to lose her. Why couldn’t she just have been a booty call? Why did we meet at all? When I’d looked into her gray eyes, eyes that had reminded me of the sea, I should just have kept walking.
I’d been arrogant, though. Arrogant and confident. I was sure I could make her my own. And instead, she had stolen my heart. Was this punishment for all the women I’d messed with? All the one-night stands? All the times I hadn’t cared?
It feels like it.
I drop my head into my hands. I should've told her what was going on. Maybe not the part about me being a prince. That's a bi
tter pill to swallow. Maybe not for her, but for me, and that's enough. But I could've told her that I was leaving. I'd be gone in four days’ time, and she doesn't even know about it.
A pang of guilt shoots through my chest. I don't even know how to do it. How can I break it to her that I’ve known for a while that I'm leaving? That I’d known before I’d really pursued her, in fact? How can I tell her that and still let her down easy?
She'll be upset with me. Hell, I'm upset with me.
I rub my hands down my face. There's no way I can do that to her. Not now. I'll wait until the very end before I tell her. I can't ruin what we have now. It's all I have left of a life I'm about to lose. I want it to be perfect until the end.
It's going to hurt her. I know that. I'm a dick for thinking of doing this to her. But I'm also selfish, and I’ve never been in love before. I don't want to suffer through heartbreak until it's completely necessary.
Am I doing it wrong? Probably. But I haven't done a lot of things right, and I don't know how to fix it.
I'm torn. I know I have to go back. Deep down inside, a very small part of me is patriotic, and I care about what becomes of my country. I don't want it to fall into the hands of distant relatives who don't care what happens to my people. I have only recently realized I feel that way about it, right around the time Nicole pointed it out, in fact.
Until then, home has just felt like a punishment. I can't stay here. I can't ditch my parents and my people like that. But I want Nicole. I want to be with her, and not just for a couple of booty calls, either. With her, I see something long term. I've never thought I would get to this stage, but there it is.
And now I'm about to lose everything but my country.
At least that's something.
Nicole
