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I hate Daniel, because he made me feel cheap. I don’t deserve that. Now that I’ve been with Colt, Daniel wants to act like the jealous boyfriend. No wonder Mom left him. He’s the type of guy that doesn’t know what he wants and likes to play games. Now I see why he’s changed his image so much and why he snuck out that night after he nearly fucked my brains out.
I decide that staying at the house isn’t a good idea. I pick up my phone in tears, "Sandra it’s me."
I need to get the fuck out of here. At this rate, I’ll have a shit summer, and then go back to Harvard even more stressed than I am already. I don’t need or deserve it.
"What’s up? You sound like you’re not happy."
I sniffle and try and control my breathing and what I need to say, "Please can you help me? I’m going to go back home. I did a terrible thing."
"What?"
And it hits me. Right then.
This whole thing is my fault.
"I’m the reason they’re fighting," I say into the phone. "I should have never slept with either of them."
"Karen, stop. Not only are you scaring me, but you’re rambling, which means that it’s been pretty bad. Just tell me what you need."
"I just need a place to crash, and a friend’s shoulder to cry on," I tell her. "Can I drive over to you?"
"You got it. But please, don’t drive from California in your condition, babe," she tells me. "I’m going to look online and book you a flight. I just don’t want you on the road in your condition."
I take a few deep breaths and try and calm down. I need to tell her what’s going on, but before I can even say another word, she says, "Calm down. I’ll get you a flight for the morning. Doubt I’ll get
anything now. Will you be okay to stay on your own till the morning?"
I tell her yes; I can leave my car at the house. There are so many things going in and out of my head right now that I can’t even think straight.
"I’ll get my things. I’ll call you when I get to the hotel."
"You do that. And I’ll book the flights. Just one thing."
"Yes."
"You’re not a bad person. Don’t you ever think that okay?" Easy for her to say; she doesn’t know that not only did I sleep with my stepdad, but with my stepbrother too. That I pretty much seduced them. I shake my head about the fact that I’ve crossed a line. One that I can’t go back on, and I don’t even know why or how it happened. If I panic any more, then she’ll worry. Something that I don’t want her to do. I’m getting out of here, that’s all that matters now.
"Sure."
"Good, see you soon."
I hang up the phone feeling relieved that at least I’m getting out of here. I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that I slept with them both or the way that Daniel made me feel when it was clear that I’d been with Colt.
I sit down on a park bench and try to calm down. I can’t drive in my condition, and I watch as others walk by, getting ready to enjoy Friday night. The same way that I would under any other circumstances. Not tonight. I know that I will be in New York soon and then I would party. For now, I hope that Colt went home and realized that I wasn’t there and left to go wherever he had been for the last few days.
And as for Daniel Morgan…my stepfather is good at disappearing. I hope that he can do that for one night. That’s the least he could do after the way he behaved tonight. I feel like shit, not because he slept with me, but because I always thought of him as being the gentleman and Colt being the jerk. Now I know that it was the other way around. I wish that I had never slept with Daniel in the first place.
***
Instead of going back to the house, I curl up in the fetal position and go to sleep. I’ve never done something like this before. I had two choices: to go to a hotel wearing a dress like this with no luggage or stay in the house one night. I didn’t feel like doing either of them. Going to a hotel would probably mean that the staff would think that I’m some kind of hooker or something. But really, at this point, I have two words. Fuck off.
I honestly don’t care what people think.
I sent Sandra a message telling her not to book the flights. She called me a million times after that, so I just turned the phone off. I had no time to explain to her when I couldn’t even figure out what was wrong in the first place.
What was stopping me from leaving?
***
