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Getting rid of his shirt had been much less significant than having mine removed, but I feel better now that we're both topless.
Thomas moves, half-standing, toward me. He guides me backward so I lie on the couch, and he covers my body with his. He lies on top of me, holding off his full weight so that he doesn't crush me, and kisses me again. His hand finds my other breast, and he massages it as before.
My hands are on his back. I feel the muscles ripple beneath the skin as he moves.
Thomas slides his hand down to my jeans and unbuttons it. He slips his hand into them and touches my sex. I gasp and jump at the sudden sensation of fingers on my most private part.
"It’s okay," he says softly. He pushes his fingers into my slit. "God, you’re so wet." He groans against my lips.
Things are moving quickly, and my mind is racing, unsure of how to respond. The sensation of his hand between my legs is overwhelming. I shiver. My body wants things it's never wanted before. I want Thomas to show me everything. I never thought in a million years that it would come to this, but here we are, on my couch, his hand in my pants. I'm aware of his erection pressing into me. He grinds himself against me, and there's no mistaking how he feels about what's happening.
"You can touch me, too, if you want," he says, as if he knows I'm focusing on his arousal. He shifts to the side so I can reach him. I move my hand hesitantly to his belt and then lower, touching him. He's hard through his pants, his erection prominent and large. He groans encouragingly.
I undo his buckle and unzip his pants, doing the same as he’d done to me. It's the only way I know what to do. Follow by example. I put my hand into his pants and wrap my fingers around his stiff length. He moans when I do it, jerking slightly.
He's hard, smooth like velvet, and slick with lust. I pump my hand up and down, testing it, knowing what should be done without thinking about it.
"God, Nicole," he groans.
He nuzzles my neck. I squirm beneath him, struggling to keep my head straight with what he's doing in my pants.
"Are you on the pill?" he asks.
I freeze. He's serious. He wants to sleep with me. This is real.
I yank my hand out of his pants and shake my head.
"We shouldn’t do this," I say.
Thomas lifts his head. "No, no, it’s okay," he says. "I have a condom. You don’t have to worry."
I keep shaking my head. I press my hands against his chest to push him off me. He lifts slowly, reluctantly.
"We really shouldn’t do this," I say. "Any of it." I wriggle out from underneath him and sit up. I reach for my bra on the floor and put it on, covering up at least a little. With my breasts covered up, I feel more in control.
"Don’t do this, now, Nicole," he says.
I shake my head. "I’m sorry," I say. "We really should stop."
Thomas looks confused. I guess it's my fault, leading him on like that. For a moment, I just stopped thinking.
"I’m sorry," I say.
Thomas shakes his head and opens his mouth as if he wants to speak, but he says nothing. I swallow hard. My hormones and my emotions are all over the place.
"I think it might be better if you leave," I say. I want him gone. I need to pull myself together.
"You’re kicking me out?" he asks. "Did I do something wrong?"
I shake my head. "I just need a bit of distance. Please."
He hesitates before nodding.
"Right," he says and gets up. He picks up his shirt and puts it on, buttoning up the bottom half of the buttons. We walk to the door together. I scoop up my shirt and pull it over my head.
"I don’t know what just happened," he says, turning to me.
I shake my head. "It’s not you. Really. I’ll talk to you later, okay?"
