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She blows out her breath in a shudder. I think back to Jessica, who had told me without any introduction that she loved me. It had been so easy for her to throw out the words. It had been hard for Nicole. It makes me feel like it's real with her, like she means it.
"I feel the same about you, by the way," I say. "I mean, it hasn’t been very long, but it’s different with you. I’ve noticed that. It means something to me."
That isn't a confession of love, right? I definitely am not ready for that. I want her to know, though, that she means something to me. More than anyone else has. And her feelings are important to me.
When I look her in the eye, she's smiling at me.
"It means something to me, too," she says.
I lean forward and kiss her again. "Do you trust me?" I ask.
Nicole blinks at me. She hesitates only a second before she nods. I get up and hold out a hand. She takes it, and I lead her to the bedroom. She follows me, even when she knows what I'm going to do.
Her bedroom is small but full of life and character, just like her. A pile of clothes in the corner suggests she's behind on her laundry, which she does herself like a normal person. She has ornaments and photos on a shelf opposite the bed. The double bed has a colorful duvet over it, and so many pillows, she can't possibly use all of them to sleep with.
I sit down on the bed and guide her to do the same. She looks nervous, but she sits beside me.
I lean forward and kiss her again. She allows me in, opening her mouth. I kiss her for a while before I slide my hand down to her chest like I had before. She's wearing a soft-checkered shirt, and I feel the lines of her bra beneath my fingers. She gasps when I massage her breast. Her hand slides up my thigh without encouragement, and she touches me.
She's making moves herself. This is a good sign. Maybe this time, things will be different.
I unbutton her shirt, and she lets it fall off her shoulders. I reach behind her back and unclasp her bra. In the dusky atmosphere of her room, she lets me touch her and look at her and explore her. I go slower than I did last time. I don't want her to clam up on me again.
I pull off my own shirt so we're both topless again. I pull her backward with me so we both lie down, and I unbutton her pants. We've come this far before. I hope we can go further. Nicole seems almost eager to let me take control and lead her further than we’d been before.
I kiss her and press my body against hers, grinding my hips against hers. I can't help it. My body aches for hers, and it's impossible to hold back. I push my hands into her pants, working them down over her hips. She wears a thong. The sight of it is sexy as hell. I groan when her pants are low enough for me to have easy access.
"Thomas," she says, pulling away from me a little bit.
"What is it?" I ask. "Too much?" She's going to reject me again, isn't she?
She shakes her head. "I’ve never done this."
I frown. "Never done what?"
She takes a deep breath. "This. Sex."
I blink at her. "You’ve never had sex before?"
She shakes her head. She looks shy and embarrassed. I try to wrap my head around what she's saying. She's the most beautiful, sexiest person I know. How is it that no man has ever claimed her in some way or another?
"You’re a virgin?" I ask, incredulous. When she looks at me, her eyes are large and shimmering. I think back to all the times I had hoped it would lead somewhere and she rejected me, how slow she’d been to open up to me physically, how she always seemed closed down and shy. It all makes sense now.
"I want to do this, though," she says.
I shiver. She's offering me her virginity. Aside from the fact that it's a huge thing for her to do, it's a major turn on. There is nothing as hot as taking a woman’s virginity.
"It will be okay," I say. "I’ll be gentle. Trust me."
I'm more than eager to get in there. I want to devour her. This new bit of knowledge makes me ache for her, but I will do it slowly. It's her first time. I'll give her the devotion she deserves.
I pull her against me and kiss her. Hard.
Nicole
His reaction is better than I hoped for. I half-expect him to laugh at me. Or to scoff at my innocence. Or something. Instead, Thomas looks like he's glad I told him. He still wants me.
And I want him. I know that I decided never to have sex until I was in love, but if I want to give myself to anyone, it's Thomas. Something about him makes me feel safe and cared for, even now.
