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And that’s when I see it. Speeding down a free lane comes a yellow taxi, a cell phone pressed against the ear of the driver. He’s waving the one hand that should be on the steering wheel, gesticulating as he speaks; in the process, he’s completely oblivious to the two girls crossing the street in a panic.
“STACY! WATCH OUT!” I scream, but she has already seen the car coming toward her. Except, inside of getting out of the way, she freezes up like a deer in headlights. I see it all happening inside my mind’s eye in a fraction of a second: shining chrome hitting her delicate body, her scream as she crashes against the windshield and --
Fuck, that’s not going to happen. Not on my watch.
There’s no time to think this through.
I jump over the hood of a parked car and sprint toward the middle of the street, the whole world slowing down around me with each step I take. My heart is pumping hard adrenaline into my bloodstream, my muscles tensing up as if I’m jumping straight into a gunfight.
I see the yellow cab closing in on Stacy, her friend and I, the roar coming from its engine like the murderous growl of some wild beast.
“RUN!” I scream at the top of my lungs, pushing the balls of my feet deep into the concrete and using it to launch myself forward. I stretch my arms as far as I can and, the moment I feel my fingertips brushing against the fabric of their dresses, I push on them as hard as I can, shoving them out of the way.
The rest is a blur.
I feel something heavy crashing against my legs, throwing me off balance, and then the whole world seems to spin around me. There’s the sound of glass breaking as I collapse against the windshield, and then I’m thrown into the air like a ragged doll. I see it all unfold at two speeds simultaneously - too slow, and too fast - and I realize that this might be the end of the line for me.
My body hits the concrete with a dull thud, and I open my mouth to scream.
“Run!” I repeat, my mind still working on auto-pilot. My whole body is still tense and, somehow, I’m still conscious. One more thing to thank the sweet adrenaline running in my veins, I guess.
“Run,” I say once more, this time the sound of it coming out of my mouth like a whisper. I feel my face touch the cold pavement, a crowd gathering around me, and then I see her in the distance - now safely on the other side of the street. She lingers there for a few seconds, just looking at me, and then she keeps on running.
I smile to myself and close my eyes, the cold embrace of unconsciousness finally taking hold of me. I have no idea if, once I close my eyes, I’ll ever open them up again… But what does it matter anyway? What use is being alive if I just lost the woman I love?
Love, yes - I love her.
I felt drawn to her the first time I saw her and, the moment our naked bodies touched, I knew I’d never be able to let go of her. That was my sin, and now I’m paying for it.
But even if I lost her - even if I die right here - it was worth it. And, fuck it, it feels good to admit it. It was all worth it just to know that, even if only for a few days, she smiled because of me.
I close my eyes and, with my mind fixated on the most beautiful smile I ever saw, I drift off.
46
Stacy
“Chuck, do you have a moment?” I ask him, stepping inside his office and closing the door behind me.
“Stacy? What’s up? How can I help you?” Chuck gets up and walks around his desk, his bald head shining under his office lights.
“Yes, uh, I think… I think I need some help,” I mutter, not really knowing where to start. Chuck just waves at the chair in front of his desk, and then walks back to his own, sinking down onto it.
“Sure, what’s up?”
“Can you track someone for me?” I ask him, balling my hands into fists and looking straight into his eyes. It has come to this.
I remember it as if it happened just minutes ago. The roar of an engine, the screeching sound of brakes, and then a thump so dry and vicious that I almost thought my heart had exploded inside my chest. I saw Sanders rolling over the car as if he was weightless, his strong frame and muscles useless against a four-wheeled opponent.
A fraction of a second before all that happened, all I remember is feeling his hands on me, and then I toppled over to the side as he assumed my position in front of the speeding taxi. I would be dead now if he hadn’t pushed me out of the way. And how did I thank him? I ran, I ran as fast as I could.
I only stopped when Erica grabbed me by the wrist, her face drenched in sweat as she struggled for air. I took deep and wild breaths, feeling the burn in my lungs and the adrenaline in my veins, and only then do I feel that thought sinking in: he saved my life. He saved my life and I abandoned him.
I tried to do the right thing, though. I ambled back to the 51st Street, looking for the place where an ambulance should be, but there was none of that to be found. The traffic seemed normal and, aside from a few pieces of broken glass in the middle of the road, you wouldn’t guess that someone had been ran over just minutes ago.
I went home that day still clutching the envelope in my hands. I didn’t - and still don’t - understand why Sanders felt the need to spy on me. But, even if he was a stalker, he didn’t deserve to be abandoned like that after saving my life.
I’m better than that.
