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Tell me something, hun. If you were in this situation, would you even feel remotely sexy?
I mean, I felt sexy every time I did porn. But no one was holding a metaphorical gun to my head. I wanted to be there, under those lights, seducing on camera.
Apparently, not only am I not being sexy now, but I’ve stopped even being remotely attractive because the photography director shouts out, “Okay, everyone, let's take five!”
I sigh.
If I don’t get my act together then I’ll have fucked this up before I even get a chance.
I need to somehow catch Ethan’s eye. Then I need to get my way into his trust. And then I need to find what I’m looking for and take it.
I can hand it to Simon and then get the hell out of here.
I’ve saved up several million over the years; I can easily relax and live off of it for a few years. Maybe go to Paris. And then Rome. And maybe Venice.
I’m thinking about Venice and if there’s ever a chance to be a modern day courtesan again when I see him.
There, coming into the studio.
Ethan Kane.
You remember how I gave you that sob story basically about me and my situation? Told you it made it hard to feel sexy?
Well, I hate to say it because it makes me totally look so wishy-washy, but honestly, just seeing Ethan now is getting me kinda tingly.
I mean the other day, you saw me when I did the audition. I came during a lap dance.
I’ve never been a stripper or anything. Like I could never be that cold and money hungry every minute. When I get turned on, I totally go all the way.
Well, I went farther than I intended I think. You remember? I mean, I know I was telling you that I lost complete track of the people around me.
God, I came so hard on top of him.
And then once I got home, I came so hard thinking about it. And don't let me even get started about that night at the restaurant …
And now, looking at him come into the studio, and look around in confusion as everyone takes their five minute break, I forget all about my troubles.
It’s like the world is melting around me and once again, it's just him and I.
“Tommy,” I call out at the sound guy who is still at his post. “Can you play something with a bass?”
He nods to me and pushes a few buttons. The instrumentals to something that sounds kind of like hip-hop comes on.
But Tommy’s gone from my head now. I mean, so is everyone else. I’m staring at Ethan and from the corner of the room as he walks closer, I know he’s staring at me on the bed.
All of a sudden, my body is moving to the slow cadence of the music and I want nothing more than for Ethan to come join me on the bed.
I crawl over toward the bed, bending my body lower, hoping he gets a view of my tits as they hang. They’re starting to feel really sexy in this bra.
Ethan walks closer and I can see him now more clearly.
He’s wearing a shirt that's hugging him like a second skin. You can see his pecs; they’re bulging. His biceps are rippling. He could easily lift me and hold me up if he wanted to and not break a sweat.
He could use me as a sex toy, I think to myself.
I mean, don’t you think that, when you look at him on the cover?
Just lifting you up?
