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“I trusted you.” My voice is low. The trees take away any echo, as if they’re holding the words in their branches. “I thought you’d always be there for us. I’ll never understand why you did this. The older I get, I understand it even less. I looked up to you. Didn’t you know I needed you? I still need you. We all do.”
A cold wind pushes through the pines, and I close my eyes, lifting my face to the sky. For so long I carried that burden, thinking I could have stopped him. It weighed on me so heavily, I wouldn’t even come here to this grave. Now that I’ve said the words aloud, I feel like I’ve closed a book.
Maybe he heard me, but more importantly, I heard myself. It’s the start of a new chapter in my life. This weekend, I’ll say some more words out loud to someone who deserves to hear them. Time and hope are all I’ve got, but I hope in time she’ll forgive me.
27
Mindy
“I can’t believe it’s my last night in town.” Sitting with my knee up at the kitchen table, I apply the last coat of polish to William’s right pinkie nail.
“You’re tired of the London fashion scene. All those hats.” He waves his right hand in the air while placing his left hand in front of me.
I shake the bottle of nail polish. I’ve got this movie reference. “Parker Posey, Party Girl…”
He closes his eyes. “One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”
He’s still quoting the movie, but I’m ready. “It’s bullshit. There’s no way a guy named Syphilis is happy.”
“I think I’m an existentialist…”
“You’re a drama queen.”
We both snort a laugh, and I apply the final coat of hot pink glitter to his last nail.
“Now I have to get ready to meet Link.”
Hopping up, I dash to my bedroom to pull on my red flowered dress. All my feelings of abandonment are gone, replaced by an inner strength I didn’t even know I possessed. I feel confident and more optimistic than I have since I graduated college.
“Your last night, and you finally agreed to have dinner with that man. You are evil, Little Italy. I can tell Deacon our bird has spread her wings.”
“You are so freakin dramatic.” I run a brush through my hair as I reenter the room. “It’s only dinner, and it’s only to say thank you for all the referrals he’s given me.”
“He’s only given you all those referrals to wear you down.”
“He gave me referrals because I asked him to.” Stopping at the table I hug my bestie’s shoulder. “Besides, fierce single ladies cannot be worn down.”
Slipping into my shoes, I think it doesn’t help that Sawyer apparently took my heart with him when he went to Nashville.
I’ve exercised, taken yoga classes, made new friends, gone out with William… Most importantly, I’m heading back to Harristown as the proud owner of Mermaid Design Concepts, a full-fledged marketing firm with a healthy book of business and referrals coming in all the time.
Still… at night, when I close my eyes, it’s Sawyer who invades my dreams. I feel his rough touch against my skin, the weight of his body pressing me down… His possessive kiss.
As much as I hate to say it, sometimes I even have tears in my eyes when I open them.
I think of the letter I wrote in the back of a notebook stuffed in a drawer in my childhood desk. I’ll always love you, Sawyer LaGrange… I think of the song we danced to at the ball… The Heart That You Own.
He still owns my heart, but I’m making my way. I sign
ed a lease on a one-bedroom apartment just off campus. It’s in a gorgeous old building with interior brick walls and warm wood floors. It’s near the farmer’s market and the nursery and just around the corner from the new live theater company some enterprising college students decided to open.
“You have to come stay with me and do a show as an alumnus.” I tap the Lyft app on my phone to order my ride. “They have casting posters all over town for The Little Mermaid.”
“Don’t tell me. Sebastian.” William rolls his eyes.
“You’d be great!”
“Girl, please.”
