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I’m uncomfortable opening up, but in this case, I overcome my innate reluctance. “We met before I joined the guard. She was the last person… she’s been a memory ever since.”
“And now he’s using her against you.”
“He tried.” Our eyes meet, steel against steel. “I know his game now. I won’t let him succeed at it.”
“You cannot be detected or we’ll lose everything.”
“I won’t.”
The king nods. “Do what you have to do.”
Leaving
Kass
Hiraeth: Longing for home.
Occitan is a beautiful place. I love the proximity of the beach. The royal life is elegant and luxurious, and I have everything I could ever want. Ava is charming, and we’re becoming friends, which is strange but nice. She’s warm and funny and unexpectedly edgy…
And I want to go home.
I’m one step up from being a prisoner in this plush holding cell. I go from day to day walking along the beach, talking to Ava, waiting… always waiting for the men to say they’ve found Blix and tell me my fate.
They watch me, and I know most of them don’t trust me. Ava has decided to forgive me based on her past indiscretions. I’m not in chains, so the king must agree with her. Logan is never far away, but despite what he says, he holds himself apart. No one else is allowed or wants to get close.
I think about Cameron. I think about rebuilding my life. In the time I’ve spent here, I’ve thought about what I could do to make amends and how I might find a job that would make me useful. I worked as a waitress before things went bad, and I do speak several languages. I’ve lived in America. Perhaps I could get a job as a translator. Or maybe I could teach blind children. I could embrace my life as it is now without having to worry my weakness will be exploited. I have dreams… I know I can be something better, something good.
The only thing that makes me hesitate is the thing that will break my heart. If I leave Occitan, I’ll say goodbye to Logan. It paralyzes me. It holds me in this fancy prison, and freezes my insides when I try to go. Even with this distance between us, being here and knowing he’s close gives me strength. It gives me hope for a life where I’m not only good, I’m happy. Is it to much to wish for?
He held me last time so close in his arms. He wanted me to talk, but I couldn’t find the words. He said I was his, and it was a little piece of heaven. If I go… the next time I reach for him, I’ll find nothing. Can I face that? Alone in the dark?
Sitting on this patio chair, my mind drifts to my tiny apartment. I wouldn’t be entirely alone. I’d have my brother. Cameron and I have texted a few times. His security detail is apparently keeping him safe. He’s well and even seeing someone.
Luc and Henri must have noticed I’m gone, and while Luc might not care, I’m sure Henri misses his daily pets and treats from whatever store I’ve visited that day. I do have a small world outside this place. I have to be strong enough to return to it and start over.
“Here you are!” Ava cuts through my melancholy reflection. She dashes out onto the patio and grabs my arm, pulling me to my feet. “Come meet my sister!”
My heart stops. “She’s here?”
“She’s on Skype.”
Digging in my feet, I pull my arm out of her grip. “No… I can’t, Ava.”
“What?” She catches my wrist again. “You’ll love her. You’re so much alike!”
I pull back again. “Blix kidnapped her and hurt her. I worked for him. She’s not going to want to see me. Or if she does…” She’ll hate me.
We stand for a moment facing each other. I hear the change in her breathing. “You’re wrong,” she says, touching my hand. “Forgiveness is a gift. The bigger the gift, the more you’re willing to share it.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“It means you’ve both made mistakes, but they’re in the past.”
I’m tired and sad, and I don’t feel like arguing. I only shake my head. My past is too close to the present.
She takes my arm again. “At least come and see my baby niece. She’s adorable.”
Reluctantly, I follow her into the house. “You forget I can’t see,” I grumble.
