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“Dr. Curtis, are you flirting with me?” I give her a grin, and she shakes her head.
“Don’t charm me, Taron Rhodes. I’m too old.” She rocks back again. “Love, companionship, these things are important parts of the human experience. They’re important to your continued recovery.”
Inhaling slowly, I stand, walking to her window that faces the smoky mountains. They rise, hazy blue in the distance. “A long time ago, I spent a summer on a farm. Sorry, an orchard.” I remember a young Noel correcting me, so sassy and sweet. “It was the happiest time of my life.”
She’s quiet, and when I glance back, she gives me a smile. “What’s her name?”
Shaking my head, I study the lines on the carpet. “It was a long time ago. I’m sure she’s married with kids…”
Sawyer and I email occasionally. We chat about ou
r lives, and I purposely don’t ask about her. I don’t want to know if she followed my orders. I don’t want to know some other man is loving her.
I’m a selfish bastard, I know.
“I think a change of scenery would do you good. I’m comfortable releasing you. You have my number if you need to talk.”
“Thanks, Doc. For everything.”
She rises, and I take her outstretched hand, shaking it. I feel like I’m graduating again, like I should get a certificate or something I can put in a frame.
We slowly cross her pristine office to the door. “We didn’t talk about the dream. Still have it?”
My shoulders tense. Nightmare is more like it. A Mexican girl lying dead on the floor of a shack, green eyes staring vacant at nothing, my bullet through her chest.
No amount of drugs could ever kill that pain. It’s a sin for which I’ll never find absolution.
“Sometimes… Occasionally.”
Her stern eyes go from scientific to kind—it’s something you don’t get often from Charlotte Curtis. “Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, Taron.”
“I know.” I’m pretty sure I’ve said those words to Patton before. I should get them tattooed across my chest.
As it stands, the only tattoo I have I got in the throes of a bender, a week when all I could do was lie on my back in my bed and ache for Noel. Her name is inked above my heart, where she will always be.
I broke my heart just as surely as I broke hers.
“You might find this book helpful.” She steps to her desk, quickly scribbling on a tablet and ripping off the top sheet. As she hands it to me, she presses it into my palm. “It wasn’t your fault, Taron. Terrible things happen in the line of duty.”
I give her a tight smile. “Right.”
No one who says that has ever lived it. I’m pretty sure I’ll have the memory of that girl with me for the rest of my life.
In the meantime, I’m driving back to the office. Patton’s not going to like what I have to say, but I’ve done everything I could do to help establish Fletcher International. We took it to the next level. It’s a multi-billion-dollar corporation. He kept his promise and made us all filthy rich. Now I want to see if there’s something more for me besides making money.
“I have to say I’m surprised to hear from you.” Sawyer’s voice is unmistakable. He sounds happy. “Everything okay in Nashville?”
“We hit some rough waters, but I think we’re coming out of it.”
“Right.” His tone drops. “Patton told me. I was sorry to hear about that.”
“He’s going to be okay.”
“And you?”
A knot forms in my throat. Shame, my constant companion rears his ugly head. “I’m good. I’ve been clean for a few years now.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” His voice is grave, but that’s not why I called.
