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“Mamma! You dropped all the eggs and you said a bad word…” The little girl stands in her chair, putting her head at the level of my chest.
“Dove, stay there.” Noel doesn’t face me, but the little girl does.
“Hi!” She smiles up at me.
I turn to her, and my throat knots.
All the air seems to be sucked out of the room as I look at her looking back at me with round, blue-green eyes impossible not to recognize. They’re fringed in thick lashes, and her hair is golden blonde… just like my mother’s.
Reaching out, I hold the wall, trying to stop the onslaught of emotion. This little girl… Remi’s words are in my head… She must be six now.
Six years…
My eyes cut back to Noel, and she’s standing, the messy carton in her hands, her amber eyes wide.
“Is she…” My voice breaks on the sentence.
Her full lips part as if she’ll speak. Instead, her chin dips slightly in a nod.
I step back, catching the door handle and charging down the steps. I need to catch my breath. I need to process this.
Images of the night she came to me all those years ago slam to the front of my brain. I was so broken, so fucked up and high all the time. Oxy was the only thing keeping the nonstop pain at bay, the only thing drowning the memories of a dead girl…
I was addicted as hell. I’d written Noel some probably incoherent letter telling her it was over between us. I couldn’t stand the thought of her seeing me that way, loving me when I had fallen so far from what I wanted to be for her.
Still, she showed up at my door. I should have known she would.
One kiss, and all the months of longing for her, needing her, dreaming of her came rushing back. I couldn’t stop myself. Pain was consumed by desire. We made love… Once? Twice? Her body was so beautiful. It was the briefest light shining in all that darkness.
Stopping at a tree I reach out to hold the trunk as the waves of emotion sucker-punch me in the gut. A daughter?
I try to imagine Noel so young, so beautiful carrying my baby. I try to imagine w
hat it must have been like for her to be alone… I try to imagine a world where everything didn’t fall to pieces…
Leon’s voice cuts through my spiraling. “I owe you an ass-kicking.”
Lifting my chin, I see the kid I liked so much has grown into a man. A man with anger burning in his eyes at me from under a lowered brow.
“Leon…” My voice is ragged.
“I told you if you hurt my sister, I’d kick your ass, and you hurt her. Bad.”
I wince at his words, hating the fact of them. “I won’t fight you, Leon.”
“I know you have specialized Marine moves or whatever, but I can hold my own.”
I do, but what he wants is not happening. “I’m sorry I let you down. I’d give anything to go back and change the past.”
“I’ve never seen my sister like that. I didn’t think she was going to come out of it… until Dove.” The little girl… My daughter. “I won’t let you hurt her again.”
“I won’t hurt her again.” My voice is certain, and my eyes meet his.
“You’re right. You won’t.”
Broad shoulders stretch the sweatshirt he’s wearing, and while he’s not as tall as I am, he’s clearly in good shape. He lunges, slamming into my side with his shoulder, arms around my waist. I barely have time to brace for the hit, and a grunt pushes from my lungs as I catch him.
Pain blasts from my old injury, nearly blinding me. “Leon…” I grind out, doing my best to hold him.
