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I hear myself swallowing hard for some reason, my stomach feeling like I’m in a falling elevator all of a sudden.
“You have to come and see him,” Suze groans, rolling her eyes and making gross sucking and slurping noises with her mouth.
Like wet flesh slapping.
Mom laughs but I just make a face. My insides doing somersaults now because I know Suze well enough.
She’ll have come up with more than just some regular dare involving this guy, whoever he is. I can just feel it.
She’s got four years of gotcha! to catch up on and I think she’s not gonna miss her chance while my mom’s around either.
I look to my mom for some kind of guidance, but she only shrugs and cocks her brow before laughing with Suzanna, who's still making disgusting moaning and slapping sounds.
“Come on now,” mom finally says, urging me with a glance to go ahead. To play along with Suze and her silly game.
Her whole look sums up everything she’s wished for me my whole life.
Go on, Natasha. Have some fun for a change…
I pull in a breath and push down my anxiety, and force a smile, playfully grabbing hold of Suze.
“Oh, dahhhling… Kiss me! Make me yours!” I gasp, pretending she’s the man of my dreams, making my mom lose her it with laughter with both of us clowning around.
After some more girlish cackling and plenty of side comments about the ratio of girls to men on this train, it’s really time to go.
Suze grabs me, and practically drags me out of my seat.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” I say, yanking the sleeve of my cardigan back.
I’m already regretting this.
Suzanna knows how shy I am around other people, and I have no idea what she’s got planned with some random guy either.
I don’t like it, but at the same time, I’ve never felt so thrilled by anything in a long time either.
My life for the past few years hasn’t exactly been an adventure.
We both move from the lounge through an empty sleeper carriage, all the way up near the front of the train into first class.
Technically we shouldn’t be up here, but with so few people about it doesn’t seem to matter.
And by the time we get near his suite, I can tell this guy’s the only one traveling first class.
Suze’s grip on me returns.
She knows me too well, and I’m already dragging my heels as we get closer to what I know must be his suite.
I can smell a faint, very masculine high-end cologne.
It’s deep and rich, but not overdone.
It smells like nature, like a man who knows what he wants, and it gives me a feeling inside that I know I could never deal with on my own.
Wow.
I’m in love with this guy and we haven’t even—
Suze’s rushed on up ahead, urging me with a silent but flapping hand to come see as she suddenly slows and starts to creep up to the only open doorway along the wide passage.
With double sleepers as individual suites, the whole of first class seems roomier, even though the train’s still the same width as economy.
I wonder what it feels like to travel, first class, anything… even a train.
Looks pretty comfy to me, but I don’t have much time to soak in the atmosphere.
Suze is looking like she’ll burst if I don’t join her.
I feel myself growing cold. My mouth is like a sandpit and I feel a tremor shudder through me.
I can’t do this.
It’s too much.
Unable to convey it to Suzanna, it’s not just my nerves that have me suddenly out of whack.
It’s something else, something I can’t put into words even in my own mind.
It feels like if I see this man. If I go along with Suze’s stupid dare, my whole life will change, or something unstoppable will be set into motion.
It doesn’t just frighten me, it scares the shit out of me. Almost like I’ve lived this moment before or know what’s going to happen next.
Even though I can’t string two thoughts together.
I’ve spun on my heel and am dashing back towards our compartment when I hear Suze’s confident but quiet voice talking to the stranger.
She figures I’ve sidled up next to her, but once she realizes I’m running away, she makes some excuse and darts after me.
But I double my speed, making sure she can’t catch me until I’m safe.
Until I can spot my mom, feel the strange stickiness of economy instead of the crisp gleaming freshness of first class.
But I can still smell his cologne, and now I’ve heard his voice.
Suzanna’s taller frame lunges at me from behind, and in a second she’s got a hold of me and is dragging me back.
“Oh no you don’t,” she cries out, half-laughing, half-growling.
“You’re gonna go through with your dare, like it or not…” she reminds me.
