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And the truth…
It made me sick thinking of another man touching her.
No… she was mine. Even if it was temporary while we were here, and even if we could barely look at each other for the past weeks… she was still mine, and I was never going to allow any harm to come to her.
“Thank you,” she finally said as we entered our room.
“I ran as fast as I could—”
“Not just for saving my life,” she interrupted, “but for standing up for me. No one has ever stood up for me in my life. Ever. They were all going to rape me if you hadn’t stepped in.”
“I would never let that happen. Ever. No one is going to touch you but me.”
I reached for a blanket but then realized a hot shower would be better, considering she was chilled to the bone and covered in mud. Without saying a word, I led her to the bathroom and turned on the faucet. As the water was heating up, I shed my own soaked and dirty clothes, knowing I had to warm up just as much as she did.
“Come on,” I said, reaching for her hand as I tested the temperature of the shower. “Let’s wash this awful night away.”
She paused for a moment, her shivering body appearing so small and frail, as if she were deciding if she wanted to be in such an intimate situation with me. But before I had to insist, she took my hand and allowed me to guide her beneath the streaming water.
We both stood, body to body, beneath the warmth as the grime of the lake and shore flowed off our skin. Bellamy’s lip trembled, and I could see tears welling in her eyes.
Wrapping my arms around her, I said, “It’s okay to cry, if you need to. You went through an extremely traumatic event.”
She shook her head as the hot water sprayed all around us. “I refuse to let them break me. I refuse to be one of their fucking broken belles. I’m not weak.”
Tightening my arms around her, I replied, “You are far from weak. You are one of the strongest women I know. But right now, this very second, away from the judging eyes of the Elders, you can let down that shield. It’s okay not to be—”
“I’m fine,” she said as her voice broke. “I—”
She leaned her forehead against my chest and began to sob.
“It’s okay,” I soothed, knowing she had to get it all out. I couldn’t imagine how scared she must have been, and as the adrenaline left her body, I was pretty sure that the reality of tonight had to be like a punch to the gut with how close she came.
“I don’t know how my life got so fucked up,” she mumbled against my wet skin between her sobs.
“You have a good life. Just remember—”
“No,” she cut in. “My life is so messed up. It always has been.”
I knew she was upset and had every right to be emotional. Rather than playing down her feelings and beliefs, I instead reached for the shampoo and began lathering it in her hair. She tensed at first but then practically melted into my arms as I washed every sign of tonight down the drain.
“Do you think the Elders are going to fail us? Do you think we’ll be asked to leave?” Bellamy finally asked as her tears subsided, and her body stopped trembling.
I finished rinsing out the conditioner in her hair and reached for the body wash to rub over her skin, now that she seemed more accepting of my touch.
“No. I think they know we’ve done a good job up until now. My father is a member the Elders respect, and there is some power I have because of that too. Plus, there is no way that other Initiates haven’t resisted Trials before. I would say we are due some grace. And even if they do kick us out, it’s not like either of us really need this. We are fortunate enough to be in control of our own destinies.”
Bellamy tensed and stepped away from the stream of water. I wasn’t sure if it was the talk of the Elders or the fact that I had just caressed her body with soap, but I got the feeling she’d had enough of our shower.
Turning off the water, I reached for two towels and handed her one. “I’ll start us a fire, and we can crawl into bed and warm up.”
She didn’t say anything more as she seemed melancholy but calm. At least she wasn’t crying anymore, and she was warm in the safety of our room.
When we entered the bedroom, we were greeted with a teakettle and teacups waiting for us. Mrs. H must have gotten wind of what happened and wanted to offer us some of her comfort and support. I poured Bellamy a cup as she quickly dressed herself. Pulling on my own sweatpants, I then made my way over to the fireplace to warm our room even more.
