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e, and looking after a little boy didn’t come into her scheme of things.’
‘I know Johnny needed you to take care of him. I see that. I know you had no real choice. You felt you had to stay with your wife for his sake. But that doesn’t change the fact that I felt you didn’t really care about me. And, however good your reasons, I want a man who’ll really care about me.’
He got up from the couch impatiently, his voice rising. ‘Of course I cared about you, Pippa! How can you think I didn’t? It was a terrible choice I was forced to make! Do you think I found it easy? I agonised over it for a long time.’
She swung round to face him, her face pale and grave. ‘I just said, I know why you had to put your son first. But understanding doesn’t alter anything. When it came to it, you chose your marriage and your child, not me, and I know you always would.’
He ran his hands through his hair in restless frustration. ‘I had to then! What else could I do? You keep saying you understand, but do you? I had to choose Johnny four years ago, but it’s different now. Everything’s sorted. My marriage is legally over. Johnny’s at boarding school. I’ve had a private detective looking for you ever since my divorce was finalised. You’ve been on my mind all this time. I love you, Pippa, and now we can get married. There’s nothing in the way of us being together.’
‘There’s me, Randal.’
He stopped a few feet away and stared at her, eyes glittering, sharp, probing her face. ‘What does that mean?’
‘I won’t let it happen to me again. I know now that you’ll always put your son first and me second.’
‘Pippa, it isn’t a contest. You’re being ridiculous! You sound as if you’re jealous of Johnny, jealous of a little boy; that’s crazy.’
‘No, of course not. I’m not jealous of him. But I’m still afraid of getting hurt. You say you love me, but I’d never feel I was really important in your life.’
‘Pippa…’ He reached for her and she backed away, shaking her head.
‘No! Please go, Randal, don’t drag this out. I’m serious. I mean what I say, and it won’t make any difference in the long run for you to make love to me. We both know I’d find it hard to say no at the time, but afterwards I’d still feel the same. I got hurt last time; I don’t want to be hurt again. I’ve thought long and hard about this. There’s no future for us.’
He raked back his tousled hair, grimly staring at her. ‘I don’t accept that! You’re making a stupid fuss about nothing.’
She shrugged. ‘If you think that, you just aren’t listening or trying to understand. There’s no point in talking. I’m not going to change my mind and you’re refusing to see my point of view.’
‘Okay, I’ll leave—but you promised to come with me to see Johnny. Will you at least keep your word about that?’
She made a weary gesture. ‘What good would it do? I’m not going to be part of your life. There’s no point in my meeting him.’
Randal was as serious as she was now, his grey eyes level and silvery, like cooling metal, hardening and losing colour as if all the passion had drained out of him, leaving him icy cold. ‘I think there is. I’d like him to know you. The two of you matter more to me than anyone else in my life. I want you to know each other.’
She bit her lower lip, frowning. ‘Why? What’s the point?’
‘I just told you. I want you to meet, even if it’s only once. And you promised you would. A few hours of your time, that’s all I’m asking you—surely you can spare a few hours?’
Pippa groaned. ‘Why are you so obstinate. You never give up, do you?’
He shook his head. ‘Not when something really matters to me.’
She sighed deeply, thinking. ‘Oh, very well, I’ll come, just once. And then…that’s it, okay? You understand? You accept that I do not want to see you ever again after that?’
He nodded. ‘I hear what you say. I’ll pick you up on Friday, mid-morning, around eleven. Bring a change of clothes and a nightie. We’ll be spending the weekend at a hotel.’
‘Oh, will we?’ she bit out, body tensing in immediate alarm and distrust.
He caught her quick sideways, suspicious look and laughed in light mockery. ‘Oh, don’t worry, I’m not planning a seduction scene. Johnny will be sharing my room; you’ll have one of your own. You’ll be quite safe.’
She had never been safe with him; since the beginning he had made her desperately happy, then bitterly unhappy, and she was determined never to let him risk her happiness again. Next time she fell in love she wanted it to be with someone who loved her the way she needed to be loved, who put her first.
She walked away from him to the front door, opened it. Randal came after her, looked down at her searchingly. ‘By the way, did I hear you agreeing to sell this cottage to Tom?’
‘I knew you were eavesdropping! You have no shame at all, do you? When you’re after your own way you’ll do anything to get it.’ She shrugged contemptuously. ‘But, yes, Tom asked me to sell it directly to him instead of putting it on the market. We were going to live here together, you know, once we were married; he likes the cottage.’
‘I hope you’re going to have it professionally valued!’
‘Of course, but it’s going to make selling it much easier. It will save me the ten per cent the agent would charge, and I trust Tom.’
