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But she’d get used to them. Push past them.
And in time, they’d come less frequently, as he was less frequently on her mind.
She just had no idea where she went with the rest of her life without him.
He’d called every day. She hadn’t picked up.
He’d broken their most sacred vow. The rest had been flushed away with it.
But she knew, as she drove to work that
Thursday, a few days after she’d last spoken with Winston, that she couldn’t really blame him for what he’d done. He’d been in a life-and-death situation.
She’d rather he be alive than dead.
But “them.” She’d really truly believed in the sacredness. That they were somehow special, protected. That as long as they each believed, neither of them would ever break their vows.
She called Winston on the way home from work Thursday evening, using her car’s voice commands. It was almost dark. She’d stayed late getting caught up. Had discussed maternity leave in depth with Steve as well, going through each client on her list. She was going to be a mother. She’d had her time to fall apart, and now she had to continue doing all she could to make the most out of life.
The fourth ring sounded through her speaker system. He wasn’t answering.
And then he did.
“Emily? Sorry, I was in the shower. Is everything okay?”
“It’s fine. I’m on my way home and just wanted to apologize...for my behavior earlier this week. I’m sorry I didn’t pick up when you called. I will do my best to never let that happen again.”
She wasn’t making forever promises anymore. Ever. They weren’t real.
“You have no need to apologize,” he told her. “None. This is on me, Em.”
“It’s life.” She gave him the conclusion she’d come to. It happened whether you believed it would or not. “I also want you to know...I don’t blame you for what you did. It was the best choice, given the circumstances.” She couldn’t tell him she was glad he’d slept with another woman. Married her. Lived with her for a year and a half. Her heart was too raw to go that far.
“I’m assuming that the navy, or whoever in the government has the power, has seen that the marriage is legally ended?”
“A lot of Afghan marriages aren’t registered with the government, or in an official capacity like ours are. This one was not. And technically, it was Danny she married. And it is believed that I, posing as Danny, am now assumed dead in Afghanistan.”
“Do you know if Afsoon got away?”
“She did not. Nor did her soldier friend. They’re both dead. From what I’m told it’s believed that they killed me in their attempt to get away. I don’t know how accurate that source is, though. A contact that we have over there made a trip to the village ostensibly to help rebuild after the fire, but really to see what he could find out, and that’s what he got from a kid in the village.”
“Wow. That’s horrible.”
Truly, truly horrible.
So much worse than a husband who slept with someone to save his life.
Worse, even, than finding the love you thought you’d shared, a one-of-a-kind, preordained, protected-by-powers-greater-than-self kind of love, had been nothing but a figment of her imagination.
“I saw that you called,” she said as the conversation lagged between them—something that, until Winston’s return, had never happened before. “Did you have something you needed to discuss?”
Had he already met with his lawyer? she translated silently.
“Just checking in,” he said.
She understood that. Appreciated it. Wasn’t at all sure what to do with him now that she knew he hadn’t been chosen specifically for her.
Because if he had, by her understanding, he wouldn’t have been put in the untenable position of having to sleep with someone else to stay alive.
