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She uncapped her water. “Don’t try and talk me out of what I know I did, Greg. The only way for me to go forward is to be aware, to take accountability...to make certain that I don’t repeat past mistakes...”
Like arguing with the driver when you were a passenger in a car. Or in any other way distract him.
She’d yet to ride with Greg in his car. The time would come. Could even be when she was in labor. Which would be a distraction.
And something she’d think about at another time.
“I’m not trying to talk you into or out of anything,” he said, frowning as he flipped the steaks again. “I’m trying to help us both see beyond our emotional albatross and find facts. And as I look at Wood, I don’t see a man who was held hostage by you or anyone else. It seems to me that he was here because this is where he wanted to be. And that you gave him something he needed, too.”
She wanted to see that. Wanted so badly to know that her selfishness hadn’t hurt Wood. Of course he’d told her, more than once, quite adamantly, that it hadn’t. But that was his way—making her way easier. And her way...was to what? Sabotage herself? To not let herself be happy? Because, for some reason, she didn’t deem herself worthy of true joy?
Or just didn’t believe she could ever feel it again.
“If nothing else, his choices led him to be free when Cassie came so unexpectedly into his life.”
There was that.
“And when she did, he didn’t let you stop him from pursuing whatever life had to show them.”
And there was that, too.
Taking a long sip of water, she watched as he cut open a thick piece of meat and checked the color of the middle.
“Where exactly are you going with all of this?”
“Just that...for now... I’d like to put off house hunting...and continue to rent my suite from you. I’d like to be here for middle-of-the-night feedings, to trade off with you, taking whatever shifts work for us, so that you can get some sleep when you need it. I want to be here to see the baby’s first steps, to know if it spits peas out, to watch it around Beldon to make certain that thirty pounds of dog and fifteen pounds of baby don’t get tangled up.”
It could happen when he was at work. He couldn’t watch over the baby every second of the day. And meeting his gaze, she knew he knew that, too.
And that he was struggling to find his own healthy space.
He wanted what she wanted? To remain in the suite indefinitely?
“I thought you thought Beldon was the right choice,” she said, homing in on the reference to the thirty-pound dog getting tangled up with the fifteen-pound baby. Knowing she was avoiding the issue in doing so.
“I do.”
As if he’d heard his name—and he very probably had—Beldon came running over, slowing as he walked up to Greg at the grill, his nose in the air.
When Greg reached down, scratching the dog behind his ears, telling him that he’d have to wait until they were done eating to get a bite, Elaina fell a little bit in love.
With Greg’s parenting skills...right?
“You haven’t said what you think about my taking you up on your gut suggestion.” He was looking at her, not the dog who still stood beside him, looking expectantly up at the grill.
“I’m scared to death that we might be building something that’s going to be difficult to get out of.”
“Then rest assured that I’m a grown man with a mind of my own. And down the road, when I meet a woman and need more space, I’ll feel completely free to buy myself a house.”
When he met a woman. Not if. The distinction was huge. Brought a huge pang of...whatever it was she’d been feeling in the bed that night she thought he had a woman in her living room. She wanted to cry. And that little word choice, when not if, gave her the freedom to say, “Then feel free to stay as long as you’d like.” She gave the permission, hoping that she was finding a life that fitted her—as unorthodox as it was.
She wanted joy. She wasn’t going to settle for thinking she didn’t deserve it. Not anymore.
Chapter Fifteen
Greg called his parents on his way to the hospital Sunday morning, thinking he’d make it quick and simple, and ended up pulling off the road to deal with the questions coming at him. He had over an hour before he was on shift, and he wanted his parents to know what was going on.
Elaina was starting her fifth month and he didn’t feel right putting off telling them any longer.
