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“Maybe you and the kids could come on the road with me.”
Her foolish heart jumped at this last hope for happily-ever-after. Only to fall flat once more.
“What and enroll them in a different school every three weeks when we had to move on?”
“They wouldn’t be in school for years.”
“What about a pediatrician? We’d just have floating medical records? Three-month check in Denver, ear infection in Albuquerque, croup in Atlanta and six-month check in Washington State?”
“I’ve never been to Washington State.”
“Not yet, anyway,” she said, ashamed of the bitterness rolling from her tongue.
“It was only a suggestion, Susan.”
“An impossible suggestion.”
“Maybe I’m not the only one with a problem here.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Your entire life, you’ve been fighting for your own freedom, your right to have complete say over your own life.”
Eyes burning, she met his gaze. “You know why.”
“Yes,” he acknowledged. “I even understand.” Leaning forward, Michael continued to hold her gaze. “But did you ever stop to think that maybe part of our problem, from the very beginning, has been your need to go it alone? You’re so afraid of being like your mother was, of becoming your mother, that you take your ability to handle everything to extremes.”
“That’s not a very nice thing to say.”
“But it may be the truth.” She didn’t like the compassion she saw in his eyes. Not when it was directed at her. “Look at how you reacted the minute I suggested you quit your job here to follow me. You didn’t give the idea a second’s consideration before you were shooting it down.”
“You can’t raise children on the road, Michael.”
“Maybe not, but did you even consider it? Try to picture it for a second? See if the idea had any merit at all?”
He knew she hadn’t.
“Maybe this control thing is why you gave in to the divorce with so little fight.” He paused, as if waiting for her to reply. Susan didn’t have anything more to say.
“It could explain why you’ve been contented with our arrangement all these years,” he said, speaking more quickly now. “In a sense, you had it all—a lover who adored you, and your freedom, too.”
“Thank you, Dr. Kennedy.” She didn’t want to hear what he was saying.
“Right to getting pregnant, this could apply,” he went on, ignoring her sarcasm. “You didn’t ask me what I thought about our having a baby. You’d already made all the decisions on your own and only came to me for stud service.”
He didn’t quite hide the pain he’d felt at her callous treatment, leaving Susan ashamed. She’d had no idea he’d seen her request like that.
“When you found out you were having twins, you handled the initial impact on your own, waiting until you’d come to terms with it before telling me. Same thing when you found out we were having a son and a daughter.” He just kept rattling things off, making her feel about as likable as cow dung. “I might not have been thrilled about this pregnancy at first, but we were talking about it regularly by then. I’m even the one who suggested you find out, yet when you did, I didn’t hear about it. You know—” he looked down at his hands “—I waited by the phone that entire day, waiting to hear from you.”
“I didn’t know...” Tears flooded her eyes as she pictured him sitting there. Waiting.
“How could I have known?” she whispered.
“You couldn’t. And I’m not saying you weren’t perfectly within your rights to do all these things, Susan. Hell, I’m sure my actions prompted many of them. But maybe if you weren’t so eager to go off and handle things, I’d feel differently....”
“Do you think so?” Susan slid down on her knees, laying her arms in his lap as she looked up at him. “Do you really think you’d get over feeling trapped if I...changed?”
“I...”
