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“In the end, he’d been all about the spirit of the law, but it was his own interpretation of that spirit. While I, in contrast, or maybe even in reaction, had grabbed on to the letter of the law with both hands. Then he got in that accident, killed a precious little girl, and I’ve been afraid to let go of it ever since.”
Her words fell starkly into the intimate interior of the sports car. Kirk’s block had only two streetlights, leaving them in almost total darkness.
“I have to trust my judgment,” she told him, knowing now that was true. “Hundreds of kids each year, not to mention all the people in this state, count on my judgment. But I also have to trust my heart. Somehow, through all of this, I quit listening to my heart.”
A DISTANT COMPASSION was all he could muster. Kirk listened, not at all surprised she’d found her way. People like Valerie Simms, honorable and naturally ethical people like her, always did.
“Sounds like you’ve discovered some peace,” he finally spoke.
“I think I have.” She sounded surprised.
“I’m glad.” And he was. Honestly glad.
She turned in her seat and he wished he’d kept his mouth shut, made her uncomfortable enough to leave. “Don’t you see, Kirk,” she said, “you’ve been in both places. Where he was. And where I was. Just think how great you’ll be when you bring the two together and—”
Holding up his hand, he silenced her. “You’re wasting your time,” he said unequivocally. He couldn’t sit there and listen to her blowing hope into a life that had used up its share. “You’re not the only one who’s done a bit of self-discovery. I know who I am.”
“And who are you?” Her soft words almost hurt.
“Kirk Chandler,” he said quickly, before he forgot, even for a second. “The man who lost a daughter I never knew, who spends more time with her now that she’s dead than he ever did when she was alive. The man who lost a wife he didn’t love enough, who put his own father out of the business he’d built, store by store. The man who, even now, is living a double life—a crossing guard by day, but a businessman at night.”
“You’re working at night?”
His affirmation was one slow nod.
“Where?”
“Chandler Acquisitions is back in business.” Sort of. “Not on as big a scale, certainly, but that might only be a matter of time.”
“The same kind of business?” She sounded like she already knew the answer to that. But there was no way she could.
“Not entirely,” he told her, compelled, even now, to sell himself as a decent human being. “I’m working with mergers instead of takeovers.”
“And how are you liking that?”
She was hiding her disapproval well. “These new ventures take longer because rather than just going in and grabbing control, it’s become a matter of listening. I try to understand the needs of both parties, so I can find them some common ground. It’s a more complicated procedure. But I like it.”
“Sounds as if you like it a lot.”
Yeah, that was exactly what he was afraid of.
“Maybe you just need to look a little deeper into yourself, Chandler,” she said, reverting to the sassy tone she’d used when she’d first known him. “Look with your heart.”
Did she really think he hadn’t already done that? A dozen times in the past twenty-four hours. “Yeah,” he said sarcastically. “And what do you see? You meet Susan, a broken woman whom I’ve just hurt further. And next to her, notice Abraham, a little boy whose difficult life has just been made harder by my certainty that I knew what was best for him.”
“You’re right, in a sense,” she said, and he wondered if that had been her goal. To get him to admit his faults so she could twist the knife a little more. It was no less than he deserved.
“But not the way you think. It’s obvious now that Abraham’s problems would most likely have been solved more expediently if I’d kept him in basketball.”
And that was supposed to make up for the bottle of pills the boy had taken because of Kirk’s insistence on dangling in front of him everything he could no longer have?
“And believe it or not, you did Susan a favor, too.”
Now this had to be good. A stretch even for Valerie.
“Since the day she found out she was pregnant with Colton, she’d been afraid he was yours. Had you not forced the issue, she would’ve carried that fear in her heart forever, never knowing for sure if the man she’d named on the birth certificate, the man she loved with all her heart, was really her son’s father. She also felt guilty for having slept with you and not telling Alexander. As it turned out, he’d suspected all along. Seems he stopped by her house the night you were there.”
Kirk didn’t know what to make of that. So he made nothing.
