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THEY SHOULD JUST GO HOME. They’d crossed a line and there was nothing left to do but leave.
And still Valerie sat there. Kirk wasn’t moving, either, although he hadn’t said a word.
“This isn’t fair to you,” she finally murmured.
“What isn’t?”
She was glad for the cover of darkness. It had been almost two decades since she’d been in the beginning stages of a relationship with a man. And never had she knowingly begun a relationship when that was all there could ever be.
“
You. Me. Us.”
“Our friendship is unfair to me?” he asked.
Seated several inches away, he emanated life and vitality. His casual navy sweats and white long-sleeved T-shirt actually looked elegant on him.
“I’m sure you feel the same way.” He was a man. He’d just shown her how much of one.
The shake of his head was dimly perceptible in the night. “I think I’m where I want to be.”
She had a feeling he meant that more than literally. And she had to get things straight, once and for all. She couldn’t afford to compromise here. Not at this time in her life—in her sons’ lives. Brian and Blake had already suffered enough at the hands of their parents. Perhaps they didn’t wear their bruises as obviously as Abraham Billings, but sometimes that was worse. Their scars were internal, psychological. The kind that could continue to inflict damage and skew everything else in their lives for years to come.
It was much harder to heal wounds that couldn’t be seen.
It was much harder to give a boy back his self-esteem than it was to remove him from an unhealthy environment.
“There cannot be a repeat of what just happened,” she said, perhaps more sharply than she’d intended. And maybe she said it as sharply as she’d known she had to. There was just no room to give.
No room for her, her needs or wants or desires, whatever they might be. Not here.
“I agree.”
Although she couldn’t really make out his expression, she turned to look at him, anyway. His hands were resting lightly in front of him. “You do?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. He was looking at her, too.
“Why?”
“Well…”
“I mean—” she half laughed “—I know why for me, but you’re young and gorgeous, unattached. What you did, kissing me, was perfectly natural. There was nothing wrong with it at all.”
“I’m glad to hear there was nothing wrong with it,” he said with a chuckle. “But I have to argue with you on one point.”
“What?” She frowned but was breathing easier.
“I wasn’t the only one doing the kissing.”
“Oh.” She kept peering at him because she knew he couldn’t really see her. “Well, maybe not, but…”
“But it won’t happen again.” She might not be able to decipher his expression, but she knew it had grown completely serious. “Because that was your second error,” he said.
“What?” She kissed badly? She could believe that. She hadn’t had a lot of practice. Not in too many years to count.
And hadn’t been all that experienced before her marriage. Law school was no easy task. And Valerie had been determined to graduate at the top of her class. Yeah, she could believe she wasn’t a great kisser. Thomas had certainly told her that often enough.
Still, it was rather embarrassing for Kirk to know that.
