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“Really?” Annie pushed, just as Becky would have done with her. It was what they were about—helping each other to be honest with themselves. To face life head-on instead of running from it. “Not at all?”
“I don’t think so,” Becky said. “Of course I’m thinking about him. How could I not be? River Bluff’s a small town. I can’t even go downtown without the risk of seeing him.”
“Maybe if you talked to him it would help.”
“How? What could I possibly say—what could he say, for that matter—that would change anything?”
“I don’t know. He might tell you that it broke his heart to leave town sixteen years ago. Maybe explain why he went.”
“It would be good to hear.” Becky sounded as though she might start to cry. “But I can’t chance it,” she added. “Not with him planning to stay here. I can’t put the past to rest at the risk of jeopardizing the present.”
“And you think speaking to Luke would do that?”
“Yes.” Her tone was unequivocal.
“Why?”
“Because once we open that door, where are we going to go from there?”
“Who knows?” Annie thought about Blake. About possibilities. And impossibilities. “Maybe you could be friends.”
“No.” Another definite response. “I loved him too much for that.”
Annie’s heart ached for her friend.
“Maybe, if you talked to him, you’d find out that things have changed. That you’ve changed. Maybe it was just a puppy love that has lingered in your mind, grown larger for the lack of resolution, and it would fade away if you gave it a chance.”
“Is that what happened with you and Blake?”
The question stopped Annie short.
But at the same time, it was comforting to know she wasn’t alone. That maybe Becky would understand the sudden doubts that were assailing her. Frightening her with their intensity. Their waywardness.
Was she not as healthy emotionally as she’d believed she was? Had she just convinced herself out of a need to make it so?
Pulling her legs up Indian style beneath her, Annie hugged the pillow to her midsection. “Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
“Several times over the past day and a half I’ve hoped that I’m not pregnant.”
The resulting pause scared her. “You’ve changed your mind?” The question came slowly, as though Becky didn’t quite understand.
“No.” Annie didn’t think she had. Unless she wasn’t going to be stable enough to be everything her child would need her to be.
“Then what?”
She was embarrassed to say. Afraid to say. Afraid to know what it all meant.
“If I’m not pregnant, then I’ll have an excuse to make love with Blake again.”
The words were worse said out loud than they’d been in her head.
“Don’t you think that’s telling you something?”
“He’s a great lover.” The statement was beneath her.
“It’s just physical, then? There’s nothing wrong with that between two consenting adults.”
