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There were tears in Barbara’s eyes. Choked up, Marie stared at her mother in the light coming through the window.
“I didn’t want you to be like me. I didn’t want you to follow in my footsteps,” Barbara nearly whispered. “It was bad enough that my choices had ruined my life, but I felt so responsible for you, for the example I was setting. For the things you were learning at my hand...”
“I learned how to love at your hand,” Marie said softly, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. And she’d learned how to protect herself by choosing men who didn’t put her first.
“You were so trusting,” Barbara said now. “It scared me to death. I was petrified some man was going to come along and take advantage of you. They say girls go for men like their fathers and...”
Marie wasn’t trusting anymore. Not where men were concerned. If she’d ever been.
These days she was so lacking in an ability to trust a man that she was even doubting that her second-best friend in the world would be true to his wife. Her first best friend.
And she was alone.
Completely and totally alone.
“I’m just... I’m worried. I see what I’ve done to you, and I don’t know how to fix it.” Barbara started, stopped, and started again.
“You want me to suddenly open up and trust every man I meet?” Marie tried to lighten the moment. Life was what it was. People were, in part, what life made them. Experience had taught her that.
“No.” Barbara didn’t smile. “And that’s the worst part of it.” she said. “I still worry that you’ll be hurt. I want you to be discerning. I just don’t want you to spend your life alone.”
Marie didn’t want to have this conversation. Didn’t know what to say. Except “I’m glad for the things you taught me, Mom. I’m glad you love me so much. I love you, too.”
It wasn’t quite what she’d meant to say. So she tried again. “And I’m an adult now. I have my own mind and heart, my own accountability. It’s up to me to learn from you and from everything else life has taught me.”
“I know.”
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that the choices I make aren’t your responsibility. Or your fault, either.”
That also didn’t come out right.
“You’re right, of course. But a mother never quits being a mother. She never quits worrying or looking out for her children no matter how old they get.”
“I know.”
So. Good. They’d reached an understanding. Marie was alone because alone was where her choices had led her.
And if she didn’t like it, only she could change that.
But not being alone meant that someone else had to be involved. And she had no control over that someone’s choices. Like Gabi choosing to marry Liam and move out.
Like what’s-his-name choosing to move home to marry a girl from his church. And her med student choosing her coworker over her...
Like Burton choosing to go steady with the woman of his dreams. And her mother choosing to marry Bruce.
Like her father choosing to have girlfriends while he was married...
“I know you think my marriage to Bruce is too sudden.” Barbara’s voice once again broke the silence that had fallen. Only this time, Marie welcomed the sound.
Wished for a second there that she was young again. Young enough to roll over, snuggle up and be held within her mother’s safe embrace
“I just don’t want you to be hurt again,” she said instead. The strong one. A role she’d taken on so many years ago she couldn’t remember being without it.
And yet she had memories of the capable and confident woman her mother had once been.
“You know life gives us no guarantees of that. Tragedy could strike any of us tomorrow.”
Yes, but...
