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“You are her father, Ian. I trust you. If I didn’t think you were capable, I wouldn’t have asked. Please? I’m desperate here. If you’re honestly not completely comfortable, I’ll take her with me, but I’d rather not because I have no idea what condition Logan is in or how long I’ll be there.” Tears well in her eyes again, spilling over.
“Don’t cry, Mommy.” Savannah reaches out to wipe them off one cheek.
“Okay,” I reluctantly agree. “But for the record, I’m not comfortable with this.”
“You’ll be fine. Thank you.” She presses a hard kiss to my mouth.
“Ew!” Savannah squeals.
I laugh as Sydney pulls away. “Tell Mommy goodbye.”
“Goodbye, Mommy. I love you.”
“I love you, too, buttercup.” To me, she says, “Call me if you need me.” Sydney turns to leave.
“I hope he’s okay.”
“Thanks,” she calls over her shoulder.
I close the door and the panic returns as Savannah plunges her fingers into my beard with a giggle. I’m alone. With my daughter. That shouldn’t be terrifying, but it is. I haven’t been around kids since I was a kid. Sydney didn’t bring any toys, probably because she was in such a rush, so there’s nothing here for her to play with. I can’t take her anywhere because I don’t have a car seat. What the fuck are we supposed to do?
“What do you want to do, Savannah?”
“Hide and seek!”
Okay. I can do that. I put her down and she immediately runs off. “Hold on a second, little Miss. Get back over here.” She runs back. I walk her over to the couch. “Once I close my eyes, you can run off to hide. I’ll count to ten and come looking for you, okay?” She nods with a smile that makes her look just like Sydney. I place my hands over my eyes. “One,” I start loudly and continue, hearing her footsteps echo down my hallway. “Here I come!” I shout once I’ve counted to ten.
A giggle comes from back toward one of the bedrooms. Maybe this won’t be so bad. I can do this. “Savannah, where are you?” I sing. Another giggle. I peek into the bathroom, but she isn’t in there. I look into the guest bedroom and see feet. She’s hiding behind the curtain. The curtains are sheer and I make sure to look right over her. I look under the bed and in the closet. She makes me proud that she stays quiet. “Hmm. Must not be in here.” The moment I step out of the room, she giggles and I grin. After a minute in my own bedroom, I loudly say, “Savannah, Daddy can’t find you! You’re too good at hide and seek! Make a sound, so I can figure out which room you’re in.”
“In here!” she yells.
I return to the guest bedroom and look in all the same places as before. Stroking my beard, I hum. “Where could she be?” She giggles again, so I swivel and finally spot her. “Oh! Found you!” She gives me a hug when I pull the curtain back.
“Good job, Daddy.”
“Thanks.”
“I have to pee.” Her legs cross and I’m frozen. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Is she even potty trained? When do kids learn how to be a “big kid?” Is she going to need my help? How so? “Daddy!” she shouts, snapping me out of my panic. “I gotta go bad!” She starts doing a little jig.
“Okay.” I take her hand and hope she’ll take the lead on this to show me what I’m supposed to do here. Once we’re in the bathroom, Savannah only needs me to help her on and off the toilet and then to lift her up to the sink, so she can wash her hands. For a brief moment, I’m seriously pissed at Sydney. I shouldn’t have a panic attack over any of this shit because I should already know what to do. I quickly bury the anger because I want to focus on Savannah.
“I’m hungry.”
“What do you want to eat?”
“Ice cream!” she shouts hopefully.
I laugh. “Nice try, little Miss. I don’t have any ice cream, so you’re out of luck.”
“Pizza!”
While I don’t have that, I can order some. “What do you like on your pizza?”
Savannah shrugs, but says, “Cheese.”
My next panic moment comes when I wonder if I should let her eat it like I do, or if I should cut it up. She should be okay, right? Doubt makes me cut her pizza into small pieces. I check my phone, but there’s no word from Sydney. After dinner, Savannah seems restless, so I ask, “Do you want to go swimming?” There’s a heated pool in the building, but since it’s February, I doubt anyone is using it.
“Yes!”
