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o know before I go home and see her.”
The good doctor isn’t ruffled at all by my outburst. She takes a breath and calmly replies, “She’s pregnant.”
“What?” I stare at her with confusion. That doesn’t make any sense at all. “Are you sure? She’s...we were told it was impossible. We’ve been having unprotected sex for ten years. And you’re saying I’ve somehow knocked her up when she’s supposed to be basically infertile?”
She nods. “I know her history, and honestly, I’m as surprised as you are, but I ran the test more than once. Your wife is pregnant. She’s freaking out, and not in a good way. I was able to get her in with her OB/GYN today, so the woman who came to pick her up drove her over there to get fully checked out by her. Sylvia needs you to ground her. This is going to be a high-risk pregnancy, but she’s already eleven weeks along.”
“Eleven weeks?” She’s been pregnant for eleven weeks? I can’t seem to get past the fact that she’s pregnant, but wow. This is great news...until I realize that Sylvia is freaked the fuck out and there’s no guarantee we’ll end up with a living, breathing baby. She wasn’t supposed to be able to get pregnant; what if she can’t carry to term? What if the baby ends up being stillborn? This is uncharted territory for us.
“Take a deep breath, be cautiously optimistic, and go calm her down. Everything looks very good right now, Mr. Boyd.”
Right now. Are those the key words I should be clinging to because they can change at any moment? No wonder Sylvia is a mess. I thank her and quickly leave to rush home. I’m almost dreading it. I don’t know what to say to her. I don’t know what kind of shape she’ll be in other than bad. My own stomach is churning with worry, my own heart is beating out of control. Sylvie has always felt more when it comes to kids. It’s a simple fact. She’s probably throwing up and having a panic attack.
Once home, with way more strength than I’m feeling right now, I push open the door and step inside. Sylvia and Meredith glance up at me from the couch. My eyes only care for Sylvia; she’s pale and her eyes are wide with fear.
“Thanks for helping me out, Meredith,” I force myself to say.
“No problem.” She hugs Sylvia. “It’ll be okay,” I hear her whisper.
I wish she didn’t know yet, only because Sylvia and I haven’t talked about it. But I am glad that she was here for us both today. I walk Meredith to the door, thanking her again, and then a few seconds later, I take a seat next to my wife.
“I stopped by the doctor’s office—”
“Did they tell you? Did they tell you that they think I’m pregnant?” I nod. “You told them, right? You told them that they’re crazy? I mean, something must be wrong with them because it’s not possible, Scott.” I take her cold, trembling hands in my own, grasping them tightly as her voice grows with hysteria.
“Something else is wrong with me. That can’t be it. They told us it was impossible. That means it would never happen. I can’t be pregnant. I can’t be. No. We accepted that. They can’t change it on us now. I can’t lose a baby, Scott.” Her eyes well with tears that are so fat and full, they spill over immediately. “I can’t do it. Not after so many failed attempts already. Tell them they’re wrong. Tell them to find some other explanation. Something’s wrong with that machine too. There can’t be a baby in here.”
“Sylvie,” I begin softly, but she starts shaking her head.
“You can’t believe them, Scott. Oh, god. I heard the heartbeat.” Her breathing picks up and I know I’m losing her to the panic. “How is that even possible? It can’t be. It just can’t be.”
I pull her into my arms and run my hands up and down her back. “It’s going to be fine. Deep breaths. Long, deep breaths. You’re probably freaking the kid out.”
“It’s not funny!”
I cup her face. “No, it’s not. It’s scary as fuck, but we’re not runners, Sylvia. We take the challenge. You’re pregnant. By some miracle or whatever the hell you want to call it, you’re pregnant. If that fear wasn’t overwhelming you, you’d be able to feel how elated you are. Let’s take it day by day, okay? We’re going to be cautiously optimistic and we’re going to allow ourselves to be happy, because I’ll be damned if you’re going to let this fear ruin the one thing you’ve always wanted to experience. You hear me?”
“What if—”
“No,” I interrupt. “I know exactly what those what ifs are and fucking no, Sylvia. Day by day and being happy means no what ifs. Get rid of those right fucking now. I mean it. If something happens, we’ll adjust and deal with it like we always do, but we’re not going to think about it beforehand. We’re going to be in Happyville, not Worrytown.”
That finally gets me half of a smile, but only for half of a second. “Tell me it’s going to be okay.”
“I promise you, we’ll be okay.”
Her arms sling around my waist and I wrap mine around her shoulders, holding her tight, letting her draw on my sudden strength.
I hope our baby survives this.
“So, if all goes well, you and Lizzy will be giving birth within a few weeks of each other, right?”
“I don’t know,” she mumbles into my neck. “All I heard was that I’m pregnant and then a heartbeat. I couldn’t process anything else.”
“You’re eleven weeks along. She said everything looked good so far.”
“Lizzy is twelve weeks,” is all she says. She puts a hand on my chest and uses it to push herself up a little. “Do you feel like an absolute idiot for not seeing the signs? I mean, the weight gain, my boobs have been a bit tender, the vomiting, the fatigue. Shouldn’t we have wondered that what if?”
“After ten years of fucking and you not getting pregnant? No, I don’t feel like an idiot for not seeing the signs. Maybe I should, but I don’t. I was stunned when the doctor told me and didn’t believe her at first.”
