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“What happened?” I ask, deciding not to wait.
Henry’s shoulders drop ever so slightly. “Can we ease into this first?”
“You only have an hour.”
He nods. “I know. Why don’t you tell me how things have been for you before we get into my side of things?”
I frown, glancing down at my food. “Why? So you can hear how much I’ve struggled? How until I started working for Elias, Jackson and I barely got by most of the time?” My eyes water and I shake my head. “You don’t get to hear that.” Maybe he should. Maybe he should know exactly how hard it’s been for me so he can feel terrible for not being there and helping me, but I can’t stand the thought of telling him any of it.
Looking up at Henry, his eyes are full of shame and guilt, his face contorted in agony. “Tell me about Jackson then,” he says so softly, it sounds more like a question than a gently delivered command.
“He’s a good kid. Smart. Shy. He has a good imagination, but we play pretend a lot, too.” There’s no need to add that’s partly because I can’t afford to buy him a bunch of toys. “He’s probably a little too attached to me, but I think he’s branching out a little since we’ve been living with Elias. I don’t know how he’ll react to you because new people and situations make him nervous and you might freak him out as much as I freaked out.”
Henry props his forearms on the table and clasps his hands together, leaning forward a bit. “Rae,” I flinch and he corrects himself. “Raelynn, just so we’re clear, I have no plans to dictate or suggest how this should happen. You’re in charge. You decide how it happens. If you want to go through the courts to set up an official visitation schedule and child support payments, I have no problem with that. Whatever you want, I’ll do. I just want to get to know Jackson and be in his life.”
“Where were you five years ago, Henry? Why are you here now?” I sit up straight as a terrifying thought occurs. “Do our parents know you’re here? Do they know where I am?” It’s not like they’ll come looking for me, but I suddenly realize how much I like them not knowing anything about my life anymore.
“They don’t care, Rae,” he says softly with a built-in apology in his tone. “Before I left home, I went to see your parents. I asked them if they wanted to be in contact with you if I found you and they said no. So, no, they don’t know where I am or where you are. My parents?” He shakes his head in disappointment. “If they want to know, then they’ll find out, but I didn’t tell them.”
“What happened?” I ask. What happened five years ago? What happened for him to change his mind about Jackson? What happened, period?
His voice is thick and choked up as he mutters, “I’m sorry.” He clears his throat, staring with the most sincere look he’s ever given me. “I have to say that first. I’m sorry, Rae. I panicked when you told me, I know, but when I told my parents, they gave me an ultimatum. If I stayed with you, they were going to take my trust fund and my future position in Dad’s company.”
Wow. I knew they didn’t like us together, but I didn’t think they’d ever go that far.
“And you know how much I wanted to make my dad proud and follow in his footsteps.” Yeah. It would’ve killed Henry not to be a part of their company. “But I had a plan, Rae. I thought I could get around it. I would do what they wanted, still have the money, and at the very least, send you some of it to help. But then, you had the baby and left.”
Henry pinches the bridge of his nose and squeezes his eyes closed. “I didn’t put in the effort to find you and still help,” he says, opening his eyes. “The guilt has eaten me alive, Rae. Not knowing what happened to you or Jackson, how you were doing, and knowing that I completely abandoned you after all.
“Eventually, I gave it all up. I learned how to do my current job with the electric company, which I love, and I began to plan how I would find you and get into Jackson’s life. My parents are pissed and aren’t talking to me right now, but I still have my trust fund. So, if you need money—”
I cut him off before he can dare finish that offer. “I don’t need any of their money.”
He nods as if he expected as much.
We’re quiet for a few minutes as I soak in what he said and we eat. He seems remorseful enough. Knowing he planned to help somewhat doesn’t change my opinion on his abandonment at all. He still did it and he obviously didn’t care for me that much back then because not once did he mention how he wanted to stay with me. Oddly enough, it doesn’t bother me as much as I thought it might.
“What are you thinking?” Henry asks.
“I’m thinking about how you chose money and a career that would’ve been handed to you over your son.” The words tumble out of my mouth before I realize it. I almost regret it seeing the emotion that crosses over Henry’s face because I’m right, but it’s the truth. The truth hurts and it can’t be changed. Henry decided money and a job was more important than being in his son’s life. He even said part of his plan was to send me money, not to come join me and help raise him. Rage bubbles and boils under my skin at how he could do such a thing to my baby.
“I was young and stupid.”
“So was I,” I argue, “and yet I’ve been raising him for the past five years. I guess it’s easier to walk away when you didn’t have to carry him in your body or give birth to him or walk out of a hospital with him.”
“Rae,” he starts.
“Stop calling me that. I’m not your girlfriend anymore.” He never called me Rae until we started dating. “If you want to be in Jackson’s life, then okay. I’ll allow it. But once you’re in, you’re in. If you hurt him, I will hunt you down and kill you. Understand? And you don’t mention anything about our lives to your parents or anyone else from back home.” They’ve stayed out of our lives so far, I don’t need them putting their noses where they don’t belong just because Henry is here.
He nods. “What if my parents decide they want to meet him?”
My muscles tense. “You think they might want to? How would they treat him if they still hate me enough that they aren’t talking to you?” I shake my head. “No. No. No.” My son will not be around mean people like that and if anyone is going to steal Jackson from me, it would be Henry’s parents. Just to be assholes and to get Henry back without having me. “I need to go.” I stand and gather my trash, but knock over my drink in my distress. Those mean old bastards can’t be in the same state as my son, much less within five feet of him. I won’t allow it. It can’t happen. Ever!
“Rae, calm down.” He stands and touches my shoulder, but I jump back from him and bump into someone else.
“Raelynn? Are you okay?”
&n
