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I glance back at Jackson’s room. He’ll panic if he wakes up again, checks my room, I’m not there and clearly, I’m not downstairs. I don’t want him finding me in Elias’s room either.
“I’ll lock the door. If he wakes up, he’ll come to my room when he can’t find you. I can answer, escort him back to his room, and you can slip out, like you were in the kitchen or something,” Elias supplies, reading my worry. “Or you can stay in your room.” He releases my hand. “I don’t mean to pressure you.”
“I think I’ll stay in my room tonight.” I don’t know why I say these words or why I feel like I should be in my room instead of his.
Elias nods, not looking disappointed at all. He simply accepts my decision, which makes me relax. He kisses me softly for only a moment and we go our separate ways. My stomach twists like I made the wrong decision as I get ready for bed. What’s the big deal if I stay in my own room and give us some space? I wince to myself. We don’t even need space.
I’m settled in bed, my blankets resting over my breasts, and all I can think about is being in Elias’s room. My bed feels lumpy, though it’s not. It feels hard, though it’s not. What it is is not nearly as comfortable as Elias’s bed. Is he asleep already? What would it be like to simply sleep with Elias? Would he hold me? How? An arm around my waist? One under my neck? Would his legs tangle with mine? Would my head rest on his chest? Or would we barely touch, each on separate sides of the bed? I toss and turn for another thirty minutes with these damn thoughts in my head.
That’s it. I can’t take it anymore. I toss my blankets aside and tiptoe across the hall. Elias left his door halfway open. Maybe he knew, or hoped, I’d change my mind. I stand in the doorway, not able to see into his dark bedroom, despite the nightlight Elias put in the hallway for Jackson.
“Are you just going to stand there, Raelynn?”
A whoosh of air pushes through my lips. He’s awake and can see me. “Can I come in?”
A moment later, the lamp next to his bed illuminates his room. “Everything okay?”
That’s not a yes. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to change my mind.”
His grin is slow and brilliant. Elias pats the spot next to him, wordlessly telling me to come on. I walk across the room, around his bed, and slide underneath the sheets he holds up for me. He flicks off the lamp and I lie on my back, suddenly stiff as a board. This is probably the first time I’ve truly felt nervous around him.
“Look at me, Raelynn.”
I turn my head his way, but it’s so dark in his room. “I can’t see you,” I point out.
He chuckles. “That’s okay. I’m about to kiss you.” He waits two seconds for me to object before I feel him shift. My heartbeat trips over itself in an effort to pound faster in my chest. His lips graze over mine. I suck in a breath just as his mouth presses harder and his tongue enters my mouth. My body turns toward his, his hand clutches my hip, and my leg is way more forward than I am, tossing itself over his hips. Elias pulls away. Whether it was his intention or not, his kiss relaxes me.
“Thanks,” I breathe.
His lips still against mine rise. “Welcome. My alarm’s already set to wake you up.”
“You knew I’d come in here?”
“No. I hoped you’d change your mind, though.”
Now, we’re both smiling like idiots. We stay as we are, giving ourselves a little space as we rest our heads more comfortably on our pillows. I worry that I’m not a cuddly person. I normally sleep on my back. People don’t really care about this sort of thing, do they? If I wiggle out of Elias’s arms at some point to sleep on my back, he won’t care if he happens to wake up and find me like that?
I need to talk to a girl friend and squelch some of what I’m sure are stupid anxieties. Maybe I can confide in Deanna soon. That’ll be something else that’s sort of new for me. I haven’t done that since high school. Most of my high school friends dropped me so fast once they found out I was pregnant. Any I had left disappeared when I left town.
A deep breath fills my lungs. This is a big week. Henry will hang around. Someone else will be watching my baby for a night. I’ll go on a date. Daydreams of what that date may be like lull me to sleep.
Deanna has blown me away. She texted me, all excited about the fact that she is watching the kids for us and because Elias and I are going on a date. When I mentioned how Elias said I need a dress and how I need to go shopping, she took the day off work and came with me. Having a friend again is so weird. Having someone I trust to watch Jackson is weirder.
“Are you excited about the date?” she asks as she flicks through the rack. She told me to leave it up to her to find the perfect dress for me, and I have no problem doing so. It allows me to keep a better eye on Bree.
“Yes, but I’m nervous, too.”
“That’s understandable. I will say that EJ must be a great guy all around. Brayden has friends on the team, of course, but EJ is probably his best and most legit friend. He wouldn’t be friends with a jackass. And he’d probably eventually get annoyed by anyone else if they sent pictures of their kid so much,” she adds as an afterthought.
“I have no doubts that he’s a good guy. I can tell from how he is with his daughter and Jackson.” And the fact that he still gave me the job. All signs point toward Elias being a good guy, but it doesn’t make me any less nervous. Just because he’s a good guy doesn’t mean he’s the good guy for me or that this will end in a happily ever after. “Can I ask you a question?” It seems like the perfect one for Deanna because to me, she has this air of confidence cocooning her and I want that for myself.
“What is it?” Deanna stops looking at dresses to give me her full attention for a moment.
“How can I be more confident and less insecure with myself?”
Her mouth opens and closes a few times, like I’ve stunned her and she’s unsure what to say. “What are you insecure about?” she finally asks.
“Stupid stuff. Like he asked me to sleep in his room the other night and for some reason, I told him no, but I ended up in his room anyway. Then, I worried about whether or not I was cuddly enough because I felt like I’d end up sleeping on my back and away from him. I worry about some of the bigger things too, especially now that we’re sort of dating.”
