AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I’m so confused by this. “But if he thinks you should and it will help, why not?”
He sits up and snaps at me, “I’m getting all the help I fucking need, Julie. It would be useless.”
How is he getting all the help he needs if his psychiatrist thinks he should get more by seeing a therapist? I want to ask him, but this is obviously a touchy subject and I don’t think my question would be appreciated. Collin continues to rant without prompt, however.
“I trust Dr. Gressley to do everything he can to keep my privacy. I know they are supposed to do that anyway, but he and his staff go the extra mile for me. How do I know a therapist would do the same?” He stands and paces. “Not to mention, I don’t need to talk about nonsense to a stranger. I talk nonsense with you, with Cal, and even with Brayden sometimes. Why isn’t that enough? I’m strong enough to get through this with only pills. Fuck him. He’ll be lucky if I show up for the next appointment.”
“But if Dr. Gressley recommends someone, then it’ll be someone he trusts, right?” I can’t help but voice.
Collin sends me a death glare. “I won’t go to a therapist. I don’t need it.”
“Then why does he think you do?” I ask with honest confusion.
His face pales as he glances away. “It doesn’t matter what he thinks,” he says after a long moment. “I know myself better than he does and that’s not what I need.”
Collin almost acts as if going to a therapist will do more harm than good. That doesn’t seem to make sense, but I don’t want to press him even further. He stalks away into the kitchen, ending the discussion. Do I still tell him my news? He seems so tense and troubled. I’ll wait until he’s in a better mood, when maybe he’ll seem more like the Collin I know.
This side of him, the one who snaps at me and has anger stemming from his anxiety, isn’t one I’ve had to face in person that often. It’s a little startling, but exciting in an odd way. Collin is a reserved person in many ways; it takes a lot to see him act with such strong emotions. His anxiety seems to bring out a variety of his emotions that I don’t see otherwise, not so boldly and simply present in a way that Collin isn’t aware of.
When his anxiety attacks him, he’s not as in control of his emotions. They get the best of him and it’s so unusual to see Collin that way. It’s much harder to watch him struggle when I can see it, instead of hearing his watered down updates. I can’t help but wonder how long he’s been getting worse; how long he’s been giving me updates that sound like for the most part, he’s doing okay. Now that I’m here, it’s obvious he’s struggling way more than he let on.
Collin fixes himself something to eat and then disappears into his room. My company is obviously unwanted tonight. I hate that because I’m here, he’s holing up in his room. Maybe I should leave. I could always stay in a hotel to give him space. Maybe that’s exactly what I should do.
When I knock softly on his door, he doesn’t answer. He’s asleep when I walk inside. Marmalade runs straight in and jumps onto the bed. He finds a spot near Collin to take a nap as well. After gathering a few clothes, I leave him a note next to his phone. He may sleep until morning, but he may not. Even if he does, he may want some space tomorrow.
“Jules?”
I stop at the door of his bedroom when I hear his voice and turn to face him. “Go back to sleep; I’m just leaving.”
He frowns and runs a hand over his face as he sits up. “Leaving? Where? Why?”
“To a hotel to give you some space.”
His brows pinch together in confusion, but silence stretches between us as I wait to see if he’ll say anything. Time beats on until I turn to leave, a goodbye on my lips, and Collin finally speaks.
“Julie, wait. You don’t have to leave. That’s ridiculous.” He huffs. “It’s been a while since I’ve lived with someone and I’m having trouble dealing with that on top of this other stress. I normally come home to an empty apartment where I don’t have to worry about putting up a good front or dealing with another person in general.”
“That’s why I wanted to leave. To give you space to deal with everything without me here.” He doesn’t need to explain anything to me because it makes sense already and I know it’s probably hard on him.
Collin shakes his head. “I need to learn how to deal with it.” He waves me over. I walk and sit on the edge of his bed next to him. He hugs me around the neck. “I’m sorry. Things are fucking hard right now.”
“I know, but we’ll get you through it. Do you want some good news?”
He pulls away. “Yeah, hit me with it. I always need good news.”
I smile and take a deep breath. “I have two job interviews scheduled for next week.”
A smile finally emerges from Collin, though it’s not a full-blown one. “That’s fantastic. Congrats, Julie. I’m sure you’ll get an offer from one or both.”
“Thanks.”
“Unpack and I’ll be better company.”
Collin keeps his word for the rest of the night, too.
With my fingers all buttery and greasy, I reach for another handful of popcorn. Marmalade and I are watching the Rebels game. I don’t know why I’m still eating popcorn. My stomach is a heavy boulder of nerves because Collin is not playing well. Aside from the fact that he’s consistently having a string of not-so-great games, my concern is so great because of what this will do to him.
The broadcasters are brutal, too. Thank goodness Collin can’t listen to them right now. They wish they knew the reason behind Collin’s change in play. Why isn’t he getting better? Maybe the coaches should make him healthy scratch more often because he’s more of a hindrance.
