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Oh, fuck. This is it. They’ve decided I’m useless and no good. They’re going to fire me. They’ll null my contract, pack my bags, and kick my ass out of the building, forbidding me to ever return. I’ve fucked up too many times, have become too mentally unstable, and they don’t want me around any longer. My anxiety swells like a tsunami in my chest, rising high above my six-two frame, and in seconds, crashes over me until I’m consumed with it.
Without a word, I turn and leave. I can kick myself out. Coach Mike calls after me, but I ignore him. My entire body feels like it’s a small-scale earthquake, trembling and wrecking havoc. My hands shake as I reach into my pocket for my phone. I need Julie.
She answers on the second ring as I slide down in between two cars, my legs unable to keep me standing.
“Collin? Are you okay?”
I open my mouth, but I can’t speak for breathing so hard.
“Collin, what’s going on? Talk to me.”
She needs to know they’re firing me and that means I’ll lose my apartment and she’ll have nowhere to stay and we’ll both be homeless, but instead, I say, “Help me, Jules.” I gulp in more of the cold air. “Fire me.” Chills run do
wn my cheeks, streaming straight from my eyes. “Breakdown.”
“Collin, I don’t understand. I need you to calm down, so you can talk to me.”
Calm down? When the world is falling apart? When it’s my world? A surge of anger rises and I throw my phone down on the pavement, busting it up. I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t do this.
I can’t.
My energy crumbles as I fall over and curl into a ball, a darkness cloaking my mind and keeping me safe.
“It’s okay, Collin. I’m here,” I hear, but my mind is one big buzz of I CAN’T.
Over and over, those two words repeat themselves. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t as I feel myself being pulled to stand. I can’t as my face is grasped.
And then Julie slaps me twice.
The sting causes me to blink at her.
“Collin, I’m here,” she reminds me. “It’s okay. Talk to me.”
Seeing her doesn’t even relax me. It saddens me. I drop my head, my forehead resting against hers. She needs a strong man and look at me. Might as well get this over with.
“I fucked up and Coach wants a meeting. They probably want to fire me.”
She takes one of my hands and holds it between hers. “They won’t,” she says with such certainty. “I don’t think they can, Collin. Not over this.” Julie seems scared, but she takes a breath. “Let’s go inside and find out what the meeting is about.”
Oh, hell no. I shake my head. “I’m not going back in there.”
“You won’t be alone.” She squeezes my hands, which shake like leaves in the wind. She gives them a tug and says, “Let’s go.”
Great. What other choice do I have now? I sigh, release her hands, and wrap one arm tightly around her neck to hold her close. Julie snakes her arms around my waist. The comfort I get from that makes me feel both strong and weak. Together, we walk back inside the building. It doesn’t take long before we can hear the loud voices of the guys. What fun it’ll be to face them after what I just did.
When I spot Cal, I remember who I’m with, her feelings, and everything that happened between them. I stop walking. Julie digs her nails into my side. The guys begin to notice us and eventually, so does Cal.
“Julie? What the fuck are you doing here?” Cal asks with a touch of accusation, his eyes roaming over every inch of the two of us. I can’t tell if he’s horrified, pissed, or both.
Coach Mike pokes his head out of his office, relieved to see me. “Collin, good. You’re still here.”
I focus on the most important thing right now, which is talking to Coach Mike.
“Who’s Julie?” I hear Marco ask.
