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“Sure. Thanks.” I walk up to her. At the last second, I decide to kiss her, but she laughs. “What?” I don’t know if I should be smiling since she laughed when I kissed her, but she looks happy and that is reason enough to smile.
“I can’t believe we can do that now.”
“As far as I know, we’re not; we’re living in an alternate universe.” Julie laughs. “Go keep an eye on my meal and don’t let it burn.”
We go our separate ways. Showers should be mundane or relaxing at best. But as I stand here, the water raining down on me, my anxiety slowly builds. My heartbeat steadily increases to a pace that is just fast enough to bother me and cause more anxiety. I take deep breaths as if that will slow my heartbeat. Is Julie really out there? Did we actually kiss and agree to date? And to keep this big secret from my twin brother? All while I’m struggling with hockey for like the first time ever? At least to the degree that I am.
Once again, I wonder why Julie thinks I’m the best Kessy. She wouldn’t have these issues with Cal.
Things are mostly normal after my shower as we eat and watch TV. I pack for my upcoming trip while Julie looks up flights. Julie insists we sleep in the same bed again tonight. She cuddles against my side as I keep an arm around her.
“What if we don’t work?” I ask one of the many questions boomeranging in my mind.
“We’ve been friends for this long. Do you really think we can’t make it as a couple?” She lifts her head to look at me.
“You haven’t worried about this?”
Julie shakes her head. “We’re fantastic friends and I think because of that, we’ll do our best to make it work. If it doesn’t for some reason,” she takes a steadying breath, “hopefully we can return to being friends.”
I don’t think either one of us wants to be without the other. She rests her head on my chest again and I take a deep breath, hoping sleep comes soon.
“You’re the crazy one, you know?”
I look up to see my own brother. Or maybe it’s simply me talking to myself. I can’t even tell us apart right now. When I try to reach out to him, I realize I’m in a straitjacket. “What the fuck?”
“I told you, you’re the crazy one, Collin. This is where you’ll be if you can’t straighten up. How many more times will you score on us, huh? You’re not helping anyone, brother.”
I struggle in the jacket. “Let me out of this thing, Cal. I’m not crazy. I don’t need to be in this.”
Cal laughs. “You’re with Julie now. You’re definitely fucking crazy. If I’m too good to be with her, so are you. Not to mention, you keep having all of these panic attacks and she’s not going to want you anyway. That ‘best Kessy’ bullshit is just that: bullshit.”
My arms jerk from side to side as I struggle. I have to get out of this thing. My breathing turns to gasps as I feel trapped and the panic causes my skin to chill to an ungodly low temperature. I have to get out.
I have to get out!
Crushing pain wakes me up. It takes me a second to realize I lie on top of Collin and his arms squeeze my torso so tightly, I can barely breathe. Damn, this hurts!
“Collin,” I rasp, hoping to wake him up.
His cheek twitches and his arms tighten even more around me. He’s going to break a rib or all of them if he keeps this up. Realizing my arm is free, I reach up and slap his face. His arms loosen, but his eyes don’t open. Is he still asleep?
Just as I’m able to sit up and am about to call out his name again, I’m blindsided by a punch. The hit is so swift and hard that it knocks me off the bed, causing me to land on my shoulder.
“Fuck!” I hold a hand to my eye as I rock on the floor. The pain radiating from my eye, shoulder, and ribs is almost too much.
“Julie?” Collin crouches down next to me. “What happened? Did you fall?”
I shake my head. “You.”
After a pause, his voice cracks. “I did this? Jesus.” He carefully picks me up and sets me on the bed. “Do you want some ice?” I nod and he disappears. He soon returns with a bag of ice covered in a kitchen towel and gently sets it over my eye. “What happened, Julie?” he whispers.
“I woke up and you were squeezing the life out of me. I thought you were going to break my ribs. I slapped you to wake you up, but when I sat up, you punched me.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was dreaming…” His voice trails off as he shakes his head. “I’m coming off of these meds. My dreams have been fucked ever since I started them. Are you okay? Is there anything else you need? How badly are you hurt?”
“I’m fine,” I tell him. My eye hurts like a bitch, my ribs are a bit sore, and my shoulder doesn’t feel all that great, but I’ll survive. Guilt already consumes him based on the look in his eyes. I’m not about to make that worse by telling him how I really feel.
Collin leans forward and kisses my forehead with such care. “I’m sorry,” he repeats. He shakes his head. “You didn’t sign up for this.”
