AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Literal or figurative butterflies?”
She laughs and then kisses me. “He’ll figure it out. Anything else you’d like to talk about?”
“Yes.” This one is trickier. This one is a yes or no question and I really want the answer to be yes. My plan was to ask once we returned home, but I can’t stand the wait.
“Brent?” Jamie questions with a touch of apprehension.
“You don’t have to answer me now, and it’s okay if you say no. I would just like to point out that you need a place to live and I have a house where you’re perfectly welcome to live with me.”
Her eyes widen. “What are you saying, Brent?”
“I want you to move in with me, Jamie. Not because you need a place to live, but because I love you and I want your things in my house, your body in my bed, your empty hot chocolate mug on my kitchen counter, and all your makeup crowding up my bathroom counter. As you like to tease me, I’m an old man. Don’t make me wait too long to start our lives together.”
Jamie shifts onto her back, pulling the sheets up to cover herself and my hand, which is now on her stomach. “Wow,” she whispers. “I kinda thought you would propose first.” Though she says it to me, it’s almost as if she’s talking to herself.
“Would you like me to?” I ask.
She turns her head. “You wouldn’t,” she says with disbelief. My only response is looking her in the eyes because I’m positive I’m crazy enough about her to marry her right now if I could. Jamie sits up and leans against the wall, holding the sheets up to keep her chest covered. “Brent, I know we love each other, but marriage is a lifelong commitment. How can you be so sure? And don’t think that I wouldn’t want to marry you, I would. I do. I just...” Her eyes have avoided mine this entire time. Something more has to be going through her mind.
“Honey, what’s actually bothering you?” I sit up like her and reach for her hand that’s bunching and twisting the fabric at her thigh.
“I don’t even know why I’m thinking this and I hate that I am, but it would break my heart more if we got married and then divorced than if I moved in and we broke up.”
“What in the hell makes you think we’ll break up and get a divorce?”
“I don’t know. What if one day you decide you can’t deal with my parents anymore? Or you decide you do want a kid with me? Or what if we find out we aren’t compatible in a relationship and we rushed into things? I might suck as a wife. Why does anyone get a divorce? That could be us!”
I reach up, cup her neck, and pull her to me, kissing her instead of answering. My lips move slowly, surely, and leisurely. Suffice to say this pushed a button I didn’t know Jamie had. Priority number one is to calm her back down so I can talk to her. She relaxes next to me second by second. Once I’m satisfied, I pull away.
“I don’t want to lose you, Brent,” she whispers. “You told me yourself that you rushed into your first marriage and look at how that ended. I don’t want that to be us.”
“I wasn’t planning to propose anytime soon, hon. I don’t even have a ring. All I wanted to do was get your thoughts on marriage and ask you to move in.” My thumb caresses her cheek. “I understand what you’re saying, but you should also remember what else I said.” Jamie frowns in confusion, so I remind her of what I’m talking about. “I said I would not get married unless I was absolutely sure I’m willing to put in the work and commitment marriage requires. I’d do that for you and for us. But if you’re not ready, you’re not ready. All I want you to think about is moving in with me.”
She nods. “We should get some sleep. We have to be up early in the morning.” She turns off the lamp on her side of the bed. We lie down and I hold Jamie in my arms, not quite satisfied with the conversation but unsure of what else to say. “If I ask you something, can you be objective?” she asks a few minutes later.
“I can try.”
“What if I should live on my own before I live with someone? Do you wish you had been able to do that?” she asks.
“I don’t think I’m the person to ask. I don’t like living alone. Maybe that’s because for most of my life I didn’t or maybe because it’s harder to resist working when I live alone. I don’t know. Not only that, but my daughter hasn’t lived alone either. She stayed with Shannon, then briefly with me, and now Logan. Unless they break up and she gets her own place, she won’t ever live alone. So, I guess it depends on if you think you need that time.”
“Maybe I should ask my sister when we get back. She’s the only one I know who’s lived alone before. I do want to live with you, though. I just don’t know if I should do it right now. I hate that I don’t know.”
“It’s a big decision. You don’t always know the answer right away,” I say to reassure her.
She attempts to wiggle closer to me. “I feel like I’m letting you down.”
Do I feel let down that she’s hesitant about when she should move in with me and when we should get married? She says she wants those things, but the timing is what worries her because she doesn’t want it to happen too soon and have that somehow be the reason our relationship ends down the road. Ultimately, this is her way of trying to keep us together forever. Who can be upset about that?
“You’re not letting me down,” I whisper, kissing the top of her forehead. “Not even a little bit.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
A minute or so later, her breathing slips into a pattern that lets me know she’s asleep, which helps me fall asleep.
We’re up bright and early at five the next morning as we enter Tracy Arm fjord. Jamie and I dress in pajamas before we step out onto the balcony, already finding Kayla and Logan.
