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“I don't know if I could shoot a gun. The thought of them is intimidating in itself.”
“Nah. It's fun to target practice and a really good way to relieve stress. You're daring. Maybe you should try it. As long as you know how to use a gun correctly, you'll be fine.”
At this, Ryan smiles. I'm confused for a second until, with laughter in her voice, she says, “Already finding something new to teach me, huh? Maybe you should have been a teacher instead.”
That makes me laugh. “I don't know about all that, but if you want to try it, let me know. You can come with me next time we all get together.”
Ryan softly giggles. “You would let me around your family? I'm not sure if that's a good idea.” There's so much more weight to her words than she's letting on. Why doesn't she think so? Ryan seems perfectly acceptable. Before I can analyze it too much, she adds with heated eyes, “Besides, wouldn't a private lesson be more fun?” Her eyes fall to my neck when I swallow hard, and I briefly wonder if she's watching my Adam's apple bobble.
“You may have a point there.”
We continue to have small talk, and I learn that Ryan is a pretty well-rounded person for her age. She can play a couple different instruments, although she said that she doesn't regularly. She can speak Spanish fluently, but again, doesn't that often. There's a lot that she knows how to do, but it seems as if she doesn't actively do any of them. She was right. There's nothing that stands out enough for her to dedicate herself fully. I'm sure there is more to it than that, though. However, she has definitely attempted to find that passion she's always talking about based on what she's told me.
There are so many hidden secrets about Ryan. She goes back and forth between talking a tad bitterly about her childhood to acting as if it wasn't a big deal at all. Her tone mostly carries an air of factual, there's-nothing-I-can-do-about-it-so-why-worry type of attitude. The familiar urge to figure out the crooks and crannies of her bitterness and repair them rises within me. I always find women who are in some way broken, and I always want to put them back together. Somehow, I'm alone in the end. That's for another day though.
As our night dies down, and we head to back to her place, Ryan becomes a dangerously enticing woman, slowly luring me in. There are the simple touches like her hand high on my thigh as I drive with those fingers of hers trailing a carefree pattern. There's her laugh, which is ridiculously sexy. It's almost as if she knows just the exact laugh that will turn a guy on. And then the tempting, dirty words she seemingly casually throws out about what could come.
By the time we make it up the stairs and stand outside Ryan's apartment door, I've been captured. My mind and body are capable of thinking of only one thing. She's lets go of my hand to unlock her door, but she doesn't push it open. Instead, she turns, leans against her door and tugs me towards her with a sexy, sly smile. My chest is flush against hers, my hands clutching her hips. A fog officially clouds my mind as my senses zone in on her lips and this killer body. I don't even get the opportunity to be the one to lean into her first because Ryan does it.
She watches me as she brings her face to mine, her lips brushing against mine lightly at first. They lift into a quick, small smile as if knowing I'm hooked before she presses them to my lips. Ryan brings her hands flat on my chest. The feel of her is everywhere, all over my body, demanding attention. When she opens her mouth, my tongue instinctively reaches for hers. Ryan has a bit of a sweet taste from the cake. She grips the back of my neck, deepening the kiss, drowning my senses with all of her. Nothing exists in this moment except her.
When she pulls away, my lips can't help but try to follow them, wanting to reconnect. Ryan giggles and smiles while lightly running her fingers back down my chest. In a breathy, seductive voice, she asks, “Would you like to come inside?”
I nod quickly before kissing her hungrily again. We head inside a moment later, my hands still firmly planted on her body. Ryan falls onto the couch and pulls me down with her. I easily get lost in her touch. With her heady kisses, it feels like she's pouring everything she has into them to make them as hot as possible. She expertly removes our clothes, revealing a tattoo on her hip of a dandelion with the white seeds floating away.
While kissing me, Ryan reaches down between us, wrapping her fingers around me for a moment before guiding me inside her. Ryan is a powerful seductress as she infuses every movement, sound, and touch with an almost primal need. It drives me crazy with need before I finally come undone with my release a minute after she shudders with pleasure beneath me.
That was hands down some of the best sex I've ever had. But afterwards, as I'm redressing, I see two more tattoos on her back as she disappears down the hall to change into pajamas. One a large, pink seahorse on the right side, and on the left, a black and blue lavishly drawn outline of a hummingbird. Her absence causes me to suddenly realize what has happened.
Me, the classic good guy, just had sex on the first date with a nineteen year old. Almost twenty. I nearly feel sleazy. So easily she was able to make me run past a line I normally don't even cross. Not to mention that based on the fact that she did ask me inside, she probably does this often. Sex on a first date is most likely normal for her. Without meaning to, I shake my head. This girl is already messing with me.
“You all right, Gabe?” Ryan questions with just a touch of concern. She sits down on her couch, wearing girly pajamas. I've come to notice that most of her emotions are carefully, very subtly crafted into her voice when she speaks. Unless you're really listening, you'll miss it.
“Yeah. I should probably go.” I stuff my hands into my pockets. Her long legs are on display for me, and my mind is already thinking about sex again.
No. I can't go there right now. I can't be drawn in again, no matter how easy that would be.
Ryan stands, walks over to me, and kisses my cheek innocently. “Thank you for tonight. I had a lot of fun.”
How does she manage to look so pure when I feel so lousy? Ryan is watching me, waiting for me to speak. Clearing my throat, I say, “Thank you. We'll have to do something again.”
Her eyes are full of doubt even while she agrees, “Yes, we will.”
“G'night, Ryan.”
And then I'm gone, wondering how tonight and Ryan fits with the kind of man I strive to be. Because tonight, after I left, I didn't particularly feel like an honorable man.
Chapter Four
Ryan
I stare at the door long after Gabe is gone. I've slept with plenty of guys before and never have any of them looked so...so guilty afterwards. At least, to me, that's kind of how he looked. With my parents, I'm used to negative emotions and not meeting their expectations. But with guys? I'm usually pretty good with them. Am I losing my touch or something? Why did he look like that?
Finally, I get tired of staring at the door, so I go lay in bed and stare at my ceiling instead. The ceiling is so much more interesting, you know. With a sigh, I wonder if maybe my disappointment streak is starting to expand to my entire life and not just with my parents. That list is a long one. First, they decided to let the gender of their child be a surprise, but they were praying for a boy. That obviously didn't happen. Then there's my long list of activities where I either wasn't good enough for them to keep paying for it or they pressured me too much and I quit. It never failed. Every time I found something I enjoyed, they over-compensated on pushing me to be my absolute best. And my absolute best was never good enough for them.
I guess since I wasn't a boy, they figure me to be helpless or something. My parents have such high expectations for me and over the years, I started rebelling against all of them. Some for the better, some for the worst. All I've heard about is how things would be so much easier had I been a boy, and I gave up trying to please them to a certain point. I am in college and my grades are fantastic, but to make them even a little proud of me? That is obviously never going to happen, which makes me think of my stupid comment to Gabe about me meeting his parents.
That would have been a disaster. I have dissatisfied my parents enough. I don't need to let down someone else's. And trust me, they would hate me. I'm too outspoken, too sexually-inclined, too everything-your-mother-warned-you-about. Not to mention that I'm a quitter and tattooed and nothing parents like in a girl as a person and especially not as their son's girlfriend. Hell, if I were a guy and I was dating me, I wouldn't bring me home to my parents either. I know myself better than anyone else does, so I'm positive this is true.
