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“Whenever we know what we want to be. Do you know yet?” I shake my head. “Me either. What happened to you never going on second dates?”
I shrug. “I didn't intend to, and it's not like he's about to be my boyfriend. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think I'm a phase of sorts for him.” I'm not so sure that I believe the things Gabe said to me. There's a knock on the door, so I leave her to go answer. Once I've paid the pizza guy, he hands over our pizza and leaves. We eat it right out of the box and after Viv's first bite, she asks a question.
“What are you talking about, Ryan?”
“Gabe's a good guy, and I'm not the type of girl he would want to take home to his mother. I'm younger than him, still in college, and not good in any sense of the word. So wouldn't it make sense that he's just having a little fun with me for a bit? We need to stop talking about it. I'm overthinking it as it is, and I rather let failure take its natural course without any help from me. Besides, my mom told me I need to make a decision on my major in two weeks. Will you help me think of something?”
Viv doesn't know much about my parents because I never share much about them and she knows better than to ask. After she takes a sip of water, she nods. “Well, I'm going to major in linguistics, but the college has tons to choose from.”
“Like what?” Okay, so I never looked at their academic programs when I was applying. I just wanted to get away from my parents. I didn't care what degrees they offered, so I don't know all of their programs.
Viv opens her computer again and pulls up the school website, reading off some of the programs, one from each letter. “Applied Physical Sciences, Biomedical Engineering, Communications Studies, Dermatology, Economics, Family Medicine, Genetics, blah, blah, blah. Ooh, Marine Science or Physics and Astronomy? What about Spanish? You speak that, right?”
I nod, but everything sounds boring, and I tell her so.
“Life isn't supposed to be fun 24/7, Ryan. You need boring moments too.”
“Yeah, well, I don't want to be bored for the rest of my life. I'm good with math, but who wants to solve equations for a living? Genetics sounds interesting, but no thanks. If I had,” I say it like it's a despicable thought, “to pick any that you mentioned, it would be Communications Studies or Spanish, since that can't be all that hard, and I know a lot already.”
Viv nods, happy that I picked something. She clicks a few times and then counts. “There are one, two, three, four, five areas of study for Communications.”
I groan as she tells me
what they are. “Fine. Spanish. I pick Spanish. Those sounded horrible.”
“Why are you settling if that's not what you want?”
“Because it doesn't really matter to me anyway. There's nothing I would love to do. Everything is just eh to me.”
“What about Marine Science or even Dermatology?”
Sinking into my seat, I sigh. “Stop giving me choices, Viv. I'll change my mind and then we'll be back at square one. As long as I can get a job and make money, then I'm happy. Every single working person isn't working their dream job. Since I don't have a dream, anything will do.” Maybe I should let my parents pick my major. I can't disappoint them if it's their decision. But then they would probably send me to medical school, and that's not going to work for me. Everyone in the medical field is amazing for what they do, but I can't do it. Viv shakes her head at me, apparently doing some thinking of her own. “What?”
“I can't believe that nothing appeals to you. At all.”
“Believe it. The only thing that appeals to Ryan Kavanaugh is sex and men. I don't think my parents would be happy with a career as a hooker or sugar baby though.”
Viv laughs. “You're crazy. You should work for Sunkist as much as you drink it.” She nods to the bottle in my hand as I take a sip.
“I wonder if I would get free drinks for life. That might be worth looking into, Viv. Good idea.”
She chuckles, shaking her head. “Well, I should go. There's some more work I have to do. See you in the morning.”
“Bye.”
Spanish wouldn't be my first choice, but let's face it. Nothing would be my first choice. Still, I feel accomplished. I've made a decision for my major. I pick up my phone to see what Gabe texted me back.
Gabe: I don't either. How's your lazy day going without me?
Me: Good. Homework is done & house is clean. Just need to wash clothes.
While I wait for his response, I put the rest of the pizza in the fridge and get started on those clothes. Panic clutches my stomach and rises like bile within me. I. Picked. A. Major. Spanish. That's what the rest of my life will involve. Is that what I want? What if I decide that I hate it? Or should I pick another language? It could be more fun and a challenge to learn a new language. There's French, Chinese, Japanese, or maybe Portuguese. Maybe I should do one of those instead.
Ugh.
I don't have a fucking clue!
Back to square one. I still don't understand how at nineteen, almost twenty, I'm supposed to choose what I want to do for the rest of my life. Sure, I could always come back to school and get a degree in something else, but that makes my first degree pretty much worthless and a waste of money. I can't make a decision like that! My parents can choose for me. They are older, supposedly wiser, so they can choose how I'll spend the rest of my life.
