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“So you were with her?”
“She was at my house.”
He frowns. “Jane and I decided that we want her to go back home. We don’t really know much yet, and Brittany doesn’t need to be stuck here with us.”
“I’m not sure she’s going to want to leave.”
“Then we’ll have to convince her. She won’t be helpful here, and she doesn’t need to miss work to obsess over her mother.”
I agree, but Brittany is not going to be happy. “Is Jane really okay?”
“We don’t know much at this point,” he admits. “She napped earlier, but she wanted to be awake for Brittany.”
“What? Mom, no!” we hear Brittany say from the other side of the door.
“That’s my cue,” Ray grumbles.
I hesitate for a moment, unsure whether I should follow him. Deciding it’s a family moment, I walk the short distance to the waiting room. Not five minutes later, Brittany is storming my way.
“Let’s go,” she snaps.
“Everything okay?”
She ignores my question and heads toward the elevator. Her knuckles are white as she squeezes her wrist. She keeps shifting her weight. I can’t help but wonder when she’s going to break and if it’ll be in tears or anger. She huffs as the doors slide open to the parking garage. We find my car and are soon on the road for a long drive back.
Brittany neither cries or shouts her frustrations. She leans her head against the window and falls asleep. I’m not considering that a good response. Anything would’ve been better than shutting down. I’m glad we’re going home, though. I don’t like leaving Lily all night. It’ll be easier after this weekend when a fence and doggie door will be installed.
Four hours later, it’s five in the morning and we’re finally home.
“Brittany, we’re here.”
She easily awakes. “Thanks. I’m going to head home.”
“Are you okay?” I ask as she reaches for the door handle.
“Fine. Why wouldn’t I be? Just because my mom would rather have me four hours away if she dies doesn’t mean I’m not fine. I don’t want to talk about it.” Before I can utter a word, she gets out and quickly gets into her own car.
I’m too tired and sleepy to chase after her. I’ll be lucky to get an hour of sleep before I have to turn around, wake up, and get ready for work. Lily is waiting by the door, eager to go outside. Once she’s done her business, I’m able to fall into bed.
Sleep is much needed these days. Ever since I’ve been able to maintain a regular sleep pattern, my anxiety and depression always come out to play when it’s interrupted. I’m not surprised in the least when I wake up that short hour later, feeling on edge. My heart seems to beat a little faster, my breath comes out a little shorter, and I feel like I’m coiled tightly, waiting to spring at any moment.
It’s been a while since I’ve had an off or bad day. That’s the worst thing about being better: I’m always wondering when it’ll end. Lately, I’ve been too distracted by what’s happening, or not happening, with Brittany. Maybe if I ignore it and keep going as if nothing is wrong, it’ll go away faster? Unlikely, but one can hope.
“You look like shit,” Ben says when I walk into my office. He’s a co-worker of mine.
“Why are you sitting behind my desk?”
“You have something in common with my first client of the day.”
“Which is?” I ask as he stands and moves out of my way.
“You’re both late. Everything all right with you?” He sits in the chair across from my desk.
“I have my own therapist, you know. I don’t need you stealing her job,” I grumble as I look through the files on my desk.
“I like to think of myself as your interim therapist for when you’re in between appointments. The position is otherwise known as being your friend. Are we going to have lunch today? You can finally tell me about that pretty girl you insisted on talking to at the Mexican restaurant yesterday but refused to tell me about. Wouldn’t mind learning about her friend either.” Ben grins and I shake my head at him. “Is that a no?”
Jennifer, the receptionist, pokes her head into my office. “Your first appointment is here, Ben.”
