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He slurs something, but I can’t understand him, so I just say goodbye and hang up. Justin comes over and eyes me curiously.
“Sorry,” I say. “FC’s one of my friends.” A friend I might just have to kill the next time I talk to him. The fun, flirty, sexy mood that filled the air moments ago has disappeared.
Justin comes closer and trails his fingertips under my fingers. Such a small act, but goosebumps rise up all along my arm. “Is he something you want to talk about right now? You seem upset.”
“We can talk about him another day. What happened tonight, I can’t change, so I’d rather not talk about it.” Last time I talked to FC, he didn’t want to stop drinking. Telling Justin about my worries won’t help FC or my concerns.
“How about we sit and watch a movie then?” Justin suggests. He tugs me toward the couch and pulls me so close to him, I might as well be sitting in his lap.
“I thought you only wanted to come in to have sex with me?” I tease with a raised brow.
Justin’s jaw drops as he grabs my knee. “Now, Idaline, I’m a gentleman. Gentlemen can watch a movie until the girl’s more relaxed and in a better headspace after a not-so-good phone call from her friend before he makes a move. It’s not nice to point out the reason I wanted to come in when I’m being a gentleman.”
I laugh and smile. “Maybe if you make your move now, I’ll be ready.” Is it so bad to want our date to return to normal? I’ve been enjoying my time with Justin so much and I’m ready to take this next step.
He brings his hands up, one to cup my jaw, the other moving around to the back of my neck to float up into my hair. His mouth brushes over mine. “You want this?” he asks quietly. The silence in the apa
rtment seems to amplify our breathing, his question, and our heartbeats.
“Yes,” I whisper.
I expect his mouth to crash to mine, but it doesn’t. His greets mine with ease and a familiarity. We’ve kissed before, but this kiss will be leading to something new between us. Like a slow, antsy build, our kiss intensifies. Justin stands, pulls me to stand, and sweeps his hand out for me to lead the way. My heart pounds in anticipation of the anxiety that should flood my veins any second now. With every step I take, I wait for it to hit me. It never fails that I have anxiety prior to sex with a person for the first time. Rationalizing that some nerves is normal doesn’t always help.
But I’m blown out of the water when I reach my bedroom with Justin and not a nerve can be found. That has to mean something huge, right? Maybe I’ve been wrong about FC being my soulmate. Maybe it could be Justin, the guy who relaxes me and keeps my anxiety at bay without even trying. The sex even seems better than with men I’ve been with in the past. Afterward, I don’t hesitate to invite him to spend the night, just so I can fall asleep in his arms.
“Idaline,” Justin whispers in the morning, kissing my bare shoulder.
“Hmm?”
“Your phone is going off like crazy again. Want me to go get it?”
I sigh. I was sleeping so soundly and contentedly in his arms. “No, I’ll get it.” With eyes half-closed, I get out of bed and walk all the way to the living room for my phone. It’s a videocall from FC. I answer. Before I can scold him about last night, I stop and stare. “Are you okay?” I whisper.
“Are you naked?” he asks incredulously.
“Oh. Sorry.” I bring the phone closer, so it shows only my face. “What happened to you?” He has a busted lip and one of his eyes is swollen shut.
“Had a bad run-in with the doorknob,” he says. “Don’t worry about me. I’m sorry about last night. All I know is I texted and called you a bunch of times.” He squints his eyes as much as he can. “Are you okay? I haven’t heard from you in a while.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve just been busy.”
“But you didn’t answer my texts even before I fell off the wagon.”
I frown. “What do you mean you fell off the wagon?”
“I’m trying to get sober and last night was a huge fail. I didn’t even last a week.” There’s a bitterness in his tone I’ve never heard before.
“Oh, FC, I’m so sorry.” And the guilt swallows me whole for feeling the way I did last night. “Try again. Maybe go to meetings.”
“Idaline?”
I twist to see Justin walking out of my bedroom with his shorts he wore yesterday hanging on his hips. “I’m just talking to FC.”
“Who is that?” FC asks.
Justin raises a brow at me and rests his hand over mine, tilting my phone up where FC can only see my eyes and upward. “Get dressed, Idaline. I’ll start breakfast and keep FC occupied while he waits for you.”
Right. I’m naked. And though FC can’t see me, I should put some clothes on. Glancing at FC, I say, “I’m going to leave you with Justin long enough for me to get dressed, okay? Don’t hang up.”
