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“I didn’t want him.” Her eyes widen as a small gasp escapes. “I thought I would be trapped with Lila for the rest of my life with a baby she made sure she got pregnant with. So, no, I didn’t want him. There was nothing but negative feelings toward him. But from the second he was born, I fell in love with him. So, sometimes, I look at him and I remember how I felt and I can’t believe I ever felt that way. It makes me feel guilty.”
Her eyes are so sad, which makes me wish I hadn’t told her this secret. “I’m sorry, FC. But it’s obvious you love and care for him; that means more now than how you felt before he was born.”
“Maybe,” I say, not wanting to fully agree. The guilt won’t allow me to do so.
“Can we go to bed?” she asks.
Like I’d ever say no to that. Idaline stays in my apartment, just in case Sawyer wakes up, while I venture down to her car to grab her bags. My heart feels even more at peace than usual. Idaline will soon fall asleep in my arms in my bed. There’s nothing else I could ask for today.
Back inside, my gaze constantly lands on Idaline as we prepare for bed, as if I need to repeatedly check that she is indeed here with me. Seconds after we crawl beneath the sheets, our bodies find their way to one another. Our arms wrap around each other’s waists. Our chests collide.
“What if I move here now? I can start looking for a place tomorrow and a new job,” Idaline whispers.
While this sounds fantastic to me, I worry Idaline isn’t actually ready. Is she making this decision out of anxiety somehow? Or is this really what she wants to do? And how can I ask without pissing her off?
“FC?”
“Are you sure that’s truly what you want? We don’t have to rush.” There. I put it out there the best way I can.
“If we’re going to make this work, I don’t want this to be long distance. I don’t want to go back home. Things have been hard enough as it is; why make it any harder on myself? I can’t do it, FC. I can’t go home. I can’t leave you and do this all over again. It’s now or never and I need you now. This can’t be prolonged any more.”
Hearing her distress is almost too much to handle. There is no argument to be made, not that I could even think of one to make. “If you want to move here, you won’t get anything but support from me,” I tell her.
She kisses me quickly. “Thank you, Freeley.”
I groan, which makes her laugh. “Don’t call me that, Idaline.”
“It does sound odd when you’ve always been FC to me. I still couldn’t resist, though.”
She settles in, scooting a hair closer to me, and tells me goodnight before dozing off. This is the moment I’ve been dreaming of for over a year now. It’s better than I could’ve imagined. And to think that Idaline will be moving here and we’ll be together? Pure bliss runs through my veins.
Complete happiness is at the tips of my fingers and now that Idaline is here, I know it’ll be fully in my grasp soon.
A soft kiss wakes me up. “Sorry, love, but I need you to wake up.” I smile just because he’s calling me love. “And we need to talk a few things over.”
I stretch and open my eyes, a bit startled to find him already dressed for work and Sawyer in his lap, quietly playing with a toy. “What’s up?”
“My mom will be over soon to keep Sawyer for me today, and then I have to leave for work. Will you be okay here with her? Or you could come and hang out with Jamie? I would feel better if you came with me.” He tickles Sawyer a bit. “I don’t want Mom pressuring you all day. I’m sure you could take your laptop and look for jobs and such from the shop.”
“I’ll go with you if that’s what you want.”
FC gives me one of his breathtaking smiles. I get ready and finish just in time to leave with FC. My decision was the right one because the look his mother gives me is definitely one that wishes to crack me open and discover all my darkest secrets.
My heart and mind already feel better than they did yesterday. It’s all for the simple fact that FC is near. My soul entwines with his and sighs with contentment, finally in its paradise. My heart dances to a happier beat and my mind relaxes knowing that whatever battles I’ll face, FC is here to face them with me.
“How are you feeling today?” he asks, pointing to his head.
“Good, but starting to worry about not having a job.”
FC reaches over to hold my hand. “Don’t worry about that. You’ll start looking today and you’ll find something soon.”
When he lifts our joined hands, I ache to tell him I love him. Three powerful words I’ve wanted to say for such a long time, yet this morning doesn’t seem like the time to utter them. FC escorts me to the main office, where Jamie already sits behind her desk. She perks up at seeing me.
“Do I have a visitor today?” she asks.
“If it’s okay with you and Brent?”
She waves her hand in dismissal. “Brent won’t care. Let me grab you a seat and you can sit back here with me.”
