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“Everything I do is important.”
He laughs and a glance at Maddie shows me she's pissed.
“I'm sure. But fine. Call me later. I need your advice on something.”
“Okay,” I say before ending the call. Maddie watches me without saying anything. “What?”
“No. You wanted to be friends, Winston. That's what we are. You couldn't even let him know that I'm here now and you think you'll have the balls to tell him if we start dating? My answer is no. I can't believe you.” She shakes her head and starts to climb back out, but I grab her hand.
“Maddie,” I start, but she interrupts me.
“No, Winston! No. I refuse to go back to hiding a relationship, and it's not like I haven't forgotten what happened either. You knew I hated him calling me that. You didn't stand up for me, not to him, not to that other jerk either. You told me to leave! We had sex the day before and then you told me to go home!
“You haven't asked how or why I lost that weight, Winston. Aren't you the least bit curious? Don't you want to know that after being humiliated by my brother, his friends, and you, that I decided I was sick of it? I couldn't tell anyone why I was upset. I couldn't tell anyone you hurt me or that we were over. I had to deal with that all by myself! And it's all your fault! So I started running and going to the gym to lose weight and to stop thinking about you!”
Her voice softens. “Are you seriously so terrified of telling him? Are you that much of a coward? You said you loved me, but you couldn't even fight for me, Winston. Why would I want to go through that all over again? Why would you want to put me through that? You just proved that nothing's changed, Winston.”
“Come here.” Placing the rest of my s'more back on the plate, I hold my hand out for her. She eyes my hand like it's a shark about to bite her before taking it. I pull her into my lap so she's straddling me. “I'm sorry, Maddie. I'm so sorry. I've hated myself for doing that to you and you're making things confusing now. I said friends, but we're slowly slipping back into what we were. I don't know what to do to make up for what happened because I can't change it. He's been my best friend since I was five, Maddie. It's like I was being made to choose between the two of you and-”
“And you chose him,” she interrupts, her eyes watery. “You loved me, but you chose him, Winston.” The tears spill over before she rests her forehead against my shoulder, crying freely now.
“I didn't want to,” I whisper. “I don't know why I did. And you know that I loved every inch of you. Dave was stupid. You didn't have to change because of him.” I turn my head, my nose hitting her hair as I inhale my new favorite smell. “I've missed you so much.”
“It feels nice to be missed. If only it mattered.”
I lean my head against the couch behind me. Either way, I won't win. Maddie shifts against me, and I know she's sitting up now.
“I sort of get it, Winston, I do, but then again, I don't. You don't want to lose Dave as a friend, but you're willing to lose the person you're supposedly in love with? That doesn't make sense to me.”
At this, I lift my head to look at her. “You don't think I love you?”
She shakes her head. “You may have, but it wasn't enough then. That's all I meant.” After a pause, she adds, “Why on earth should I give you a second chance?” She places her hands on either side of my neck and rests her forehead against mine. “I want to. God, I want to, but it feels like it would be stupid of me to trust you again. And I meant what I said. I won't hide us. We're either in this all the way or not at all, Winston.”
I place a soft kiss to her forehead, and before I can speak, she does.
“You know, I used to think that you kissed me on my forehead because I was short and that was closer to you than my lips.”
Chuckling, I kiss her forehead again. “You're partly right.”
“So what are you going to do?” she whispers, watching me carefully, a wall already built in case I don't give her the answer she wants.
“Dave's supposed to come up for one of my games. I could tell him then.” I can't believe I'm doing this, but I can't let her slip away again. We were damn near perfect together.
“But you want to keep it hush-hush until then? Winston-”
“Only because I want to tell him in person, Maddie.”
“You really think he'll be upset? It almost feels like you're overreacting,” she tells me.
“I know him better than you do. He won't be happy, but I can convince him that he should be.”
She nods, seeming to accept it. With a small smile, she says, “You still haven't answered my question.”
“What question?”
She slightly puckers her lips. Oh, yes. Do I still want to kiss her? I lean forward until my lips are mere millimeters from hers.
“What was your question again?” I steal her breath when my lips become a feather-light touch against hers. She blinks a few times, and I barely graze my mouth along her jaw and down her neck. “Your question, Maddie,” I remind her.
