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“Mark it in your calendar.”
“I already did. Tell me what happened with Dr. Stewart. You can take all the time you need, but you’re talking.”
Not in the least surprised by this. Maybe that’s why I invited her over. “He pissed me off.”
She giggles. “I figured. It’s not hard to do, Corey.”
Poking her once in the side, I say playfully, “Keep those comments to yourself.”
“Okay,” she agrees. “He said he pushed you. How? About what?”
“What do you think?”
“I want you to tell me.” Olivia lifts her head to look at me, resting her chin on my shoulder. “You have to say it. Me guessing or confirming what I already know won’t do you any good. It’s only me, Corey.”
It is only her, I know this. She’s the only one who could get away with what she does and what she says. Somehow, for some reason, I trust her and I’m comfortable with her. Closing my eyes to avoid her gaze, I recount what happened.
“He wanted to know if I made an appointment with the therapist and why I hadn’t. I stupidly thought if I told him that I was talking to you instead, he’d drop it and give me the prescription already. He didn’t.” This is like walking thigh-deep in mud. Even telling her this is hard. Deep breaths, I remind myself. After a large one, I keep going. “He wanted to talk to you, to see how I was really doing. I said no because I just told him. I wasn’t lying either.
“He asked if I wanted help and I said that had nothing to do with you. The ass wanted to know why I was having trouble when he already knows.”
“You told him?” Olivia sounds skeptical.
“No. He’s an SU alum and keeps up with sports there. That’s how.”
“Did you tell him today?”
Running my free hand over my face, I take another long inhale and exhale. Shit doesn’t help at all either. “When I didn’t answer him…” This is even worse than talking about my injury directly. “When I didn’t answer him,” I start again. “He said…”
Olivia’s now-warm fingers cup my cheek and turn my head towards her. Reluctantly, I open my eyes. “What did he say?” she whispers.
There’s strength in her eyes. Strength I don’t have myself, but it’s like she’s loaning me hers. I take it. I grasp it eagerly, hold on tight, and swallow it whole. My gaze locks on hers as I finally say it.
“Tell me why you’re depressed, Corey.’ I said something smart to him, but he just watched me. And I erupted.” My eyes sting like I’m going to cry and I hate myself for it. Olivia waits for me to continue, but I don’t. I can’t. My throat hurts, water is on the brink of my eyes, and I want to forget about all of it.
Just for a little while.
Olivia is here and in my bed. I’ve kissed her before. I can do it again.
With no hesitation, I press my lips to hers, pulling her closer. She’s caught off guard at first, but then she kisses me back. Her lips, her tongue, her mouth can make me forget. I roll us over so I’m on top of her, pressing into her. My hands run down her sides and God, she feels like a piece of heaven.
“Corey,” she breathes as I kiss her neck, sucking on the skin just below her ear. But then I feel her hands on my shoulders and she pushes me away. “Corey, not like this.” Her voice is barely a whisper of rejection. “You can’t use me like this.”
She’s right. I was going to use her.
I’m such a prick.
As I bring my arms up to frame the sides of her head, I press my forehead into the pillow next to her. My voice surprises me with how hoarse and raw it is. “I’m sorry.”
She wraps her arms around my neck in a strong hug. “I forgive you.”
Her words sink into my skin, relaxing me inch by inch. Every emotion possible chooses that moment to overwhelm me. I lost it. I lost the only thing left that was mine. I lost the only dream left of my parents that I could fulfill for them. I lost the only thing that kept me sane, that kept me from sinking into depression.
I lost everything.
And now, I’m buried beneath the weight of it all, pinned with no way out.
