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“Why didn’t you tell me he played football?”
Her eyes widen with surprise. “How did you know that?”
Answering a question with a question is never a good sign. “He was at my door instead of yours. I told him which apartment was yours and then asked him. He has the look. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t think it mattered. Football is a sore subject for you anyway.”
“Says the girl who showed up at my door with a football and asked me to throw it with her.” I shake my head. Seeing Aaron has rattled me, possibly more than it did for Olivia. “Why did you want this?”
“Want what?” she replies, confused.
“Us. Why did you want us? Why do you push me so hard all the damn time?” I remove my arm from around her shoulders and stand, walking a few steps away to gain some space. “Why didn’t you tell me that I’m a fixable form of him? Is that why we’re seeing one another? Because you want to fix me and help me? I mean, even Hank said that you’re a helper and he didn’t want you to get hurt because of it.
“Am I a problem for you to fix and make all better, Olivia? What the fuck are we even doing? I practically have both feet through the door to crazy’s house and you’re trying to be my damn savior. I can’t stop thinking that you happened to find me in a similar state as him and you jumped at the chance to replace him with me and that this is all about you redeeming yourself or some shit. I don’t know. This is making me lose my fucking mind,” I ramble, feeling quite defeated.
Olivia’s lips part and close twice. I move to sit on the coffee table across from her, reaching for her hand. The words come easier and much calmer than I expect. “I need you, Olivia. You stabilize my crazy, my dark, and all the bad in my life. I can’t handle you being the opposite of that. So tell me we aren’t part of your past with him.”
As the seconds tick by in silence, my heart rams against my chest, the blood rushing to my head, and the fear of what she may or may not say is unbearable.
“IF I WAS the type of girl to slap people, I would smack you right now, Corey.” Olivia’s voice is hard as steel. “You must be losing your mind to ask me questions like that! What in the hell is wrong with you? Do you want me to throw those back at you? Why do you want us, Corey? Because I can help you? Am I just a helper to you? Why do you never fucking talk when you need to, huh? Instead, you do whatever the hell you want to call what you just did!”
She shakes her head in disbelief as the bad feeling in my gut intensifies. “I get that seeing him stressed you out. It stressed me out too. What I don’t get is why you’re freaking out more than I am! Believe it or not, you’re my rock and you’ve just pulled the rug right from under my feet. Get your shit together, Corey!” Olivia stands and starts to walk away.
“Wait.” I grab her elbow, but she yanks it away. I’ve pissed her off big time.
“No!” she yells as she swivels to face me. “Don’t apologize now to make up for it. I don’t understand you, Corey. Not nearly enough, apparently. Just leave me alone!” With that, she turns and slams the door on her way out.
So much for a nice night with my girlfriend.
Groaning, I sigh and then get ready for bed. Fucking things up shouldn’t come as a surprise. I’ve been doing it for so long, but I always hoped I wouldn’t when it comes to Olivia. With my siblings, they are always going to be there no matter what I do. We’re always going to support one another. I don’t have a link like that with Olivia. She can come into my life and leave as she pleases. If I mess up, she doesn’t have any reason to give me a second chance. Or a third. Or fourth. Or fifth. Or whatever number we’re on now.
I want to go apologize, but I don’t. I’ll leave her alone. Because she asked and because I’ve exhausted all my energy.
I GUESS IT’S a good thing I went to sleep early because I have to wake up early this morning. It takes a lot of strength to throw the covers back, get out of bed, and take a shower. Every moment takes effort and every breath sucks in heavy air. My feet manage to carry me to work, though. That’s better than going back to bed.
Carpentry brings me no solace today. Maybe if I could stop thinking about last night, then it would. At lunch, I text Olivia.
Me: Can I come over after work?
Olivia: I have other plans.
Well, damn. I can’t fix things if she’s busy with her “other plans.” I try not to let it bother me that I’m having to wait, but it does anyway. I’m about to leave for today to see Ms. Cynthia when Nate stops me.
“Hey, we’re going to a bar tonight to watch a hockey game. Same place and time as last time, just no drinking,” he jokes, causing me to laugh.
“I’ll be there.”
The only real reason I’m going is because I know if I go home and can’t talk to Olivia, I’m going to slip further than I already have. How will that help the situation with her? It won’t, so if I have to go sit in a bar with a bunch of guys and watch a hockey game, then I will. Plus, it could be fun.
While I wait for Ms. Cynthia to call me into the back, the temptation to text Olivia to pass the time is too great. Instead, I let my anxiety take over my legs, making them bounce up and down with worry. She’s still mad, so texting her simply to hear from her probably isn’t a good idea. It’s times like this when I wish I was that romantic, big-gestures type of guy. Then I could do something like that and she would forgive me.
I have to work to earn it.
“Corey, come on back,” Ms. Cynthia says from across the room. I do and once we’re settled, she looks at me with those see-into-my-soul eyes. “How did it go with your siblings last weekend?”
It feels like it’s been more than a week since I’ve seen her. “Good. My sister surprised me by having a party and inviting all my former teammates.”
Her white brows rise. “Yet you said the weekend went good. I’m not sure I believe it.”
