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“Are you even sure you want to be with me?” she blurts out. “Have we been together long enough for you to make that kind of decision? I mean, if moving in together seems absolutely ridiculous to you, then how ca
n you say you want me enough to be with me and not someone else?” Someone else as in Kelly, I'm sure.
“It's not the same,” I try.
“No, it's not. Moving in would be an easier decision, not a harder one!” I've never really seen Eva pissed. I've seen her happy, grouchy, annoyed, and nervous. Never angry. Her fists are clenched by her sides, her body is entirely too still, and she's watching me with narrowed eyes, waiting for my next mistake. “I can't believe you would say that. Not after everything else, that we're not serious enough? Are you kidding me, Emerson? Just,” she huffs. “Go wait for me outside, please. I'll be out in a few minutes to take you home.”
A glance at Catherine shows me she looks uncomfortable and maybe a little guilty for causing an argument to result from her simple question. I want to say something, to defend what I said, but I decide it can wait a few more minutes. Nodding, I stand and walk out of the room and outside.
My impulse answer does seem stupid when I think about Eva's perspective. If I can say goodbye to Kelly for good for her, why wouldn't I be willing to move in with her? The cold air gives me goose bumps and I rub my arms to warm up. My word choice seems poor as well. It's not that we aren't serious enough, but we haven't reached that point. But then, if I were Eva, would I believe we had since I closed the door on Kelly? That was huge, we both know it, so does it mean something as big as moving in should be easier? Smaller to take in?
Five minutes pass and I'm about to go check on her when I hear Glen call my name. I turn to see him walking toward me, looking as pissed as Eva did when I left her.
“What the fuck did you do, man?”
“What are you talking about?” I ask.
“Eva called, all upset, and asked if I would take you back home for her.”
My stomach drops. I glance back at the door to the building as if she would appear at any second. “She did?” It's like a punch to my gut. All I wanted to do was see her and spend time with her. How the hell did I get to this point? To where she doesn't even want to spend all of three minutes in the car with me. I run my hand through my hair, clutching a handful in frustration. “Damn it. Let me talk to her.”
Glen reaches out to stop me from opening the door. “No. Trust me, if she's upset, you need to give her time. Eva's like a wall once she's pissed. Anything you say falls on deaf ears, but simultaneously fuels the fire.”
Sighing, I nod and follow him to his car. “This seems so stupid to me,” I mumble. Then, I recap what happened. “I see why she's upset now, but I didn't even know she wanted to move in! She stays over a lot, yeah, but I don't know. It feels like I walked into a trap. Are you sure I don't need to try to talk to her?” I finish as he pulls into my apartment complex. Not talking to her, not trying to fix this, doesn't sit well with me at all.
Glen seems to think about it. “I get your side, but...” he trails off.
“But what?” I ask urgently.
He hesitates before deciding to continue. “Eva has always been easygoing and her life motto would be to go with the flow without many second guesses.”
“And she's been second guessing everything since she found out about Kelly,” I fill in for him, feeling defeated as he nods. For the first time, I wish Kelly had simply broken up with me. This thing with her is fucking everything up. All I want is Eva and to move forward. I don't know how to make her stop doubting us. I think, overall, she believes in me, in us, but there's a small part full of doubt. “How do I make her see it?” I ask quietly to no one in particular.
“For starter's, don't laugh at the idea of living with her,” Glen answers. “I don't think either of you were anticipating what you were getting yourselves into with one another. I don't think you can make her see it either. Eva likes to be sure of herself and I think as long as you keep treating her like you have, she'll end up sure. She'll come around to that point. Just give her a little time.”
I move my hand to the door handle, but lean my head against the headrest. “The one person I thought I never wanted to lose has turned out to be the one person I wish would stay away.” I sigh heavily for what feels like the millionth time. “Thanks for the ride, Glen.” With that, I get out and head inside.
My phone rings. With disappointment, I see it's not Eva. With fury, I see it's Kelly instead. Twice in one night? I don't even care what she wants. I answer and snap, “Damn it, stop calling! You wanted me to see other people and I am. I can't continue seeing Eva if you keep calling me. My girl, who apparently never doubts, can't stop because of this stupid fucking situation you put me in. I want out, Kelly. Completely. Once and for all. Be happy and live your life without me being part of it. Please,” the anger diminishes with that last word, turning me into a beggar.
There's a silence and then, the call ends. Kelly hangs up. I feel guilty for talking to her so harshly, but I feel relieved for saying it. Now, if I can only get Eva to stop being mad at me.
A distant banging startles me awake. I feel restless. I've been tossing and turning all night, waking up each time. All because I don't like how I left things with Eva. I throw my covers to the side and walk down the hallway. A quick glance at the microwave in the kitchen shows that it's three AM.
“Come on, Emerson,” I hear my favorite voice grumbling as she knocks.
I unlock the door and swing it open with flourish, my eyes dying to see her.
And there she is.
She's wearing sweatpants and my hoodie. Her black curly hair is frizzy and her blue eyes play peek-a-boo as she blinks slowly at me twice before it clicks that I opened the door. I'm unsure why, maybe because it's so early, maybe because she looks like she's been sleeping like I have, but I wordlessly open my arms.
Eva steps forward, wrapping her arms around me. She sighs. It's the kind of sigh one makes when they've been away from home for a long time and just walked through their front door. Being back where things are stable, where everything is in its place, where you can relax and chill because you're finally home. That's what her sigh sounds like to me. Hell, it feels that way to me, too.
“I'm sorry,” she mutters into my chest.
“For what?” I ask, stepping back enough so I can close the door behind her. Honestly, I'm confused. What is she sorry about? For how she feels? An apology isn't needed for that.
“I overreacted and made Glen take you home. I've been sleeping like crap and couldn't take it anymore.” She tilts her head back to look at me. “That's how much you mean to me, Emerson. I got out of bed immediately to come see you.”
