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I can't help but laugh. “Yeah, but this,” I hold up the key, “gives me permission.” As usual, I have to embarrass myself in some way around Emerson. My stomach growls like a freaking lion and Emerson's phone rings. I can't even find it in me to care. He gave me a key! Who needs doubts when I have a key to his apartment?
Kelly's Entire Letter to Emerson
Emerson,
You are the love of my life. I could go on and tell you how much, or the exact moment I knew, or discuss our time together, but I won't. You know our history as well as I do. I know you didn't agree with my decisions, but I'm hoping to explain them if you're willing to listen.
In short, I asked for a break because I knew there was no way you'd accept a break up without an explanation. I wasn't ready to explain and I knew I could convince you to a break at the very least. It wasn't fair of me, I know, but I've always been a little weak when it comes to you.
I wanted you to have time without me. To see other people so you'd know you could be happy without me. Based on what you said in our last call, my mission was successful. You've fallen in love with her, haven't you? Even though you said you could love her and be happy with her, I knew then that it was already true. I hope she's as perfect for you as you said. I hope you two live long and happily together and if things end with her, I hope you can fall in love again.
My intentions were to never call. But things here were looking gloomy and I missed you so much. I had to know how you were doing. I had to hear your voice. I had to know if you had moved on. I had to know if you were truly happy.
You were.
And I'm so, so happy for you, Emerson. It makes writing this letter easier. I asked for a break because I learned I was sick. If you want to know the terrible details of it, talk to my mom. Otherwise, I don't want to discuss it. My time is short and there are better things to dwell on than that.
I knew about a month before I asked for the break. I was conflicted because I wanted to tell my best friend, the love of my life, but at the same time, my heart was already hurting at imagining what this was going to do to you. It killed me to see your reaction to my asking for a break, but it also made me feel better about my decision.
If I had told you, it would have crushed you. We mad
e so many plans for our future and to know that those plans were unnecessary now would have been too much to handle. If there was any way I could possibly make this experience easier for both of us, I had to take it. I couldn't handle the thought of you seeing me at what would turn out to be the worst time of my life. I couldn't handle seeing this break you and it would have. I was selfish and put my needs first, but it also helped me put you first. I wanted the rest of my time to be as normal as possible, even if it meant letting you go and keeping you in the dark.
If I had told you, you wouldn't have left my side. You would have worried about me while you were at college, probably come home as often as you could, and Emerson, I couldn't let you do that. I didn't want that to be your life or mine for that matter. Your life didn't have to end while mine was. A break between us would force you to be normal and hopefully, find someone who is a life-long love.
You found that someone in Eva.
Thank you for being the best person I ever knew. Thank you for loving me and letting me love you. Our time together was inarguably the best time of my life and I wouldn't have traded it for anything. You're going to do great things in life.
I just want you to be happy, Emerson. I hoped that if you found someone else, possibly fell in love with her, but definitely lived away from me, then you could be happy after I died and that it would make the grieving process just a little easier.
Please accept how I handled this, and forgive me for any problems I caused with you and Eva.
Forgive me for my decisions, and go be happy. It's all I've ever wanted.
Kelly
Emerson Proposing in his POV
FOR FOUR YEARS, I've been dating Eva Harvey. It's been the best four years of my life. After Eva graduated, she was able to find a job in public relations with a company close by. We moved farther from the college and closer to both of our jobs once I graduated last year. Since then, we've taken a couple of dream vacations to new and exciting places. Without a doubt, life has been good.
I hoped to propose after I graduated, but when I totaled Sweet Irene one day during my senior year, I had to dip into that fund to help get a new truck, which Eva named Sexy Pablo. Apparently, that was the first name to pop into her head, so we went with it.
I try to think of one bad thing that's happened during our time together, but I have nothing. Nothing seems so terrible when Eva is with me. Not even kidding. I can find something good out of every situation because she is the something good. We have an argument where Eva gets so pissed off, she leaves? She comes back before the day is over when we've both cooled off and we settle the issue. We somehow have trouble paying the rent? We make a budget and stick to it. We have a pregnancy scare? I finally do something Eva deems embarrassing enough to erase all the things she's done, and she laughs at me for having a panic attack before we realize we could handle a kid.
Yeah, that was the longest week of my life. When Eva blurted out, during sex mind you, that she thought she might be pregnant, I panicked on the spot. Not only did I pull away from her, I started hyperventilating while trying to question her and nearly fainted. She hadn't taken a test yet, but she's normally regular and she was worried. She couldn't hold it in until she knew for sure. Never before did we exhaust every last what if possible as we did that night. The next day, we went to buy her a test. It took two days to convince her she was brave enough to take the test, that without a doubt, we were strong enough to handle it if it was positive.
It came back negative and her period started the next day.
We were extremely relieved, truly realizing how much we wanted to do before kids came into the picture. It's one reason why we've traveled this year.
While we don't want to rush that step, it's definitely time to take a step.
I've had the ring hidden for three months now. I can't stop obsessing over the perfect proposal for Eva. There seems to be so much more pressure than I anticipated with the viral videos of proposals online and Eva commenting on how sweet they seem to be. For as close to her as I am, for me to know her so well, I don't have a damn clue on how to ask her to spend the rest of her life with me. I wake up every morning wondering how I'm going to do it.
Eva's grabbing her purse, keys, and drink while I slip my wallet into my back pocket and find my keys.
“I have a surprise for you,” I blurt out.
