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Chapter 1
Malcolm
Calida’s red Mercedes SUV turned the corner. Beads of sweat trickled down my back, and I rolled my shoulders hoping to release some of the tension. I knew in my heart of hearts this was a good plan, but at the same time, things could go horribly wrong. What if she wasn’t ready? What if she didn’t feel the same way? The years of playful jokes and flirtatious banter could have all been meaningless to her.
I let out a breath and pushed the doubt from my mind. “Gentle pushing…but proceed with caution.” Dr. Carr’s words repeated in my head. I could do this. It was time for me to man up, to do what I should have done years ago. If I had, all her pain and suffering could have been avoided.
I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants. Hell, I’d never been this nervous around any woman, but she wasn’t just any woman. She was the woman. The one that made me want no one else.
Shawn’s happy babbling drew my attention. He played in the front yard with his little toy cars, crashing them into each other. The older he got, the more he looked like that asshole with the black hair and blue eyes. He was a living, breathing reminder of the hell Calida and my sister Macy went through. At one time, I’d worried over my ability to love Shawn, but I did.
When I looked at him, I only saw Calida’s son, and I loved him like my own. I didn’t care who he looked like, nor did I give a fuck about the odd stares I’d get when I had him. His paler skin in contrast to my own darker tone made it obvious he wasn’t my biological child. It didn’t matter, he called me daddy; I was his father in every way that counted. Or at least I wanted to be.
Calida climbed out of her car and I stood from my position on the porch steps. My Ginger. A smile spread across my face thinking about the night of the Halloween party when I’d given her that nickname. It’d been playful teasing on my part, but the name became our thing. Something special between the two of us that had remained through the years.
My pulse raced. Everything was about to change. That seed of doubt returned. She could say no, reject me and everything I hoped for. I reached into my pocket, and my fingers closed around the ring. When I saw it, I knew the infinity design would be the perfect symbol of the promise I planned to make her.
I headed down the walkway to meet her; Ginger smiled as she came toward me. Her gaze went over to her son who sat happily playing, unaware of his mother’s presence.
I took in Ginger’s appearance. She’d never been one to flaunt herself, but now Macy teased her about the “mom” wear. The loose fitting, lime green polo shirt and khaki, knee-length shorts she wore today were a typical representation of her wardrobe. Light, neutral makeup rounded out her look, but she could go without any as far as I was concerned.
She’d cut her red hair, and now wore one of those short pixie styles, but that wasn’t the only change. From the moment she’d woken up in the hospital after the attack by the bastard, there’d been something off about her. At first I’d thought it was because of what she’d gone through, and what she’d had to do, but it had never gone away. Ginger’s outlook on life, her optimistic innocence, had disappeared. As much as she’d become more active in life, she still didn’t seem whole.
I wanted to be that missing piece.
She was here. So close. I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her soft body. She smelled sweet, like cherry blossoms. When my lips connected with hers, Ginger stiffened. Dread replaced my nervous excitement. I’d acted too rashly. I almost let her go, but then her lips parted. I took the open invitation and slipped my tongue into her warm mouth. Her arms circled around my back, and mine tightened around her waist. The unease and worry melted away as I got lost in her.
Ginger’s body molded to mine like a perfect fit. She moaned, and her fingers dug in as she pulled herself closer. My mind wandered back to our one and only kiss shared years ago as teenagers. A stupid game of seven minutes in heaven that I’d rigged to keep my friends from taking advantage of her. I’d had no plans to kiss her when I took her into the bedroom, not until she’d asked. That kiss didn’t hold the
same importance.
Kissing her now, in this moment, meant more. This kiss held emotion, it held promise, it held hope. This kiss was a new beginning…our beginning.
When I pulled away, her emerald eyes were wide with shock. Her hand went to her lips. I waited for her to say something, but she didn’t. Instead, she walked over, picked up Shawn, and headed toward her car.
I chased behind her. “Where are you going?”
“Home.”
My stomach twisted. “What? Why?” I reached for her arm.
“Because, Malcolm, I’ve already told you…don’t do this,” she snapped and yanked her arm free.
“Well, too bad. I am doing this. I’m done waiting, Calida!”
She poked her finger at my chest. “I never asked you to wait. In fact, I’ve told you there was no hope here.”
“Well, I say that’s bullshit. It’s been two years, Calida. That bastard is dead and gone, yet you are still letting him control your life. That ends today!”
Her eyes widened. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again. She fumbled with her keys and dropped them on the ground. Her hand shook as she bent to pick them up. Shit! I was messing this up. “Gentle pushing…but proceed with caution.” I’d thrown caution out the damn window and jumped without a fucking parachute. And this certainly was not gentle pushing.
I’d thought things through, planned for this moment, and yet when faced with it, I managed to do nothing but stick my foot in my mouth big time. I was supposed to let her know how I felt. Finally express the love I’d kept quiet for years. Instead, I pissed her off and scared her in the process.
She hit the unlock button on her key ring and tugged the backdoor open. She was running from me, from what we could have. My worst fear was coming true. Shawn started crying when she sat him in his seat. His little arms reached out for me. He arched his back, fighting against her attempts to buckle him in, and she pleaded with him to stop crying.
He called me Da-Da again, and she corrected him again. I hated when she did that. I liked that he looked at me as a father figure. She kept one hand on his chest while the thumb and forefinger of her other hand pressed into her eyes. I stepped closer and took Shawn out of his car seat. He wrapped his little arms around my neck and pulled at my dreads while I negotiated his good behavior in return for a treat later.
This whole thing had gone down the drain fast. All the meetings I’d attended, all the books I’d read, all the preparation I’d done for this moment had flown right out the window. I let my frustrations take over. The more I talked, the more I seemed to fuck up. I needed to get things back on course. There’d been a point in my life where I’d thought I’d missed my chance, that I’d never be able to let Calida know my true feelings. But fate, or whatever, gave me another one, and I wasn’t going to let it slip through my fingers.
“Do you like this place?” I asked, changing the topic.
“What?” She closed the car door and gave Shawn a faint smile, brushing a few stray hairs out of his face.
“This house…do you like it?”
“Yes, it’s cute, very homey looking. Craftsman style homes are my favorite. Why? Why are you here anyway?”
I grinned. It was working. “I know they are, so I wanted to get your opinion.”
“On what?”
