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“Good.”
Chapter 57
Calida
“How are you today, Calida?”
Dr. Carr adjusted her glasses on her face. Her braided, black hair was pulled up in a simple bun. She always looked so neat and pulled together.
“I’m well. I think.”
She cocked her head to the side. “That’s an unusual answer. What’s going on?”
I sat back against the chair and crossed my arms in front of my chest. “You ever have buyer’s remorse?”
“Yes. I think it’s natural when you make some big purchase, especially if it’s not a need.”
I gave an absent-minded nod. “I did something, but I’m not so sure it was the right decision.”
“Is this something you want to talk through?”
“I told Malcolm I’d move in with him. Officially. I’d been staying with him, but knew I had an out as it were.”
“That’s a big step.”
I nodded again, shifting in my seat. “He’d said something that upset me, and I left, ran away from him. You’ll be proud of me…I went back so we could talk it through. Anyway, by the end of it, I said I’d move in.”
Since telling Malcolm I’d move in with him, I couldn’t shake the nagging, anxious, unsettled tingle in the back of my mind. I didn’t want to think I regretted it, but at the same time something kept me from being a hundred percent happy about it.
“Not running away from him and talking through your feelings is a positive step. If that’s what you wanted to do.”
“Huh? Oh...no, well, I mean yes. He wanted me to stay, asked me to, but ultimately he let me leave. I got down the street and turned back. He wanted me to stay, but he didn’t force me.”
Dr. Carr smiled and nodded. “Good. So, you stayed, talked, and ended up agreeing to move in with him. Had he asked before?”
“Not directly, but he made it no secret that the house was for us. For the life he wants to have with me.”
I held my tongue on the other part of what he wanted. Marriage. Malcolm wasn’t pressuring in his desires, but he wasn’t secretive about them either. Knowing what he wanted out of this relationship remained in the back of my mind at all times.
“Okay, so the decision to live together was your choice?”
I nodded.
“But now you regret that choice?”
“Regret sounds so negative. I like being there with him. I like the house way more than the place I shared with Seth. It fits me and my personality better. Something has just felt different since agreeing. I don’t know what, or why, but it’s there.” I got up from the chair to walk around. “It doesn’t make sense. I’m not making any sense.”
“Have you talked to Malcolm about how you feel?”
I turned to look at her. “Hell no. You’d think he’d just won the lottery or something when I told him. He was so damned happy. If he knew I was having second thoughts—nope, that’s what I pay you for. To fix it so I can go home and be happy.”
Dr. Carr shook her head and gave a small laugh. “I don’t fix anything. Now, if you need to talk through points to get to the root of the discourse, then I’m all ears.” She put her notepad down and sat forward in her chair. “When you think of living full time with Malcolm what’s the first thought that comes to mind?
“Fear.”
“And what are you afraid of?”
“I guess the easy answer would be my history. Clearly living with a guy hasn’t worked out in the past.”
