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“Breathing! I swear if I’d known he’d be this annoying I would have rethought this baby thing. He wasn’t this bad when I was pregnant with London.”
I laughed harder. “Let me guess, he’s cutting back his hours to be home with you more?”
“Yeah, how did you know?”
“Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you said the same thing then too.”
“Did I? Man I’m losing my mind more than I thought. Pregnancy brain is a real thing.”
Pregnancy. Shit! How could I have been so stupid? We didn’t use anything last night. The last thing I needed right now was another baby. Not to mention it would add another complication to this already complicated situation. What was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking.
“Lee?”
“Huh?”
“You okay?”
No. No I wasn’t okay, but I wasn’t about to tell Macy that. She’d already adopted a don’t ask don’t tell approach to whatever sex life Mal and I were to embark on.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just got a little distracted.”
“Oh, okay. So, we’re good then?”
Shit. What did she asked me? “Yeah, sure.”
“All right, we’ll be there in a little while.”
We hung up, and that overwhelmed feeling started to take over. It was too much too fast. One fuck up after the next. The unwelcomed tightening started in my chest. Unease settled in my stomach. Shawn banged his now empty plastic plate on the tray of his highchair. I took slow, steady breaths. I needed to keep it together. It was going to be okay. It was going to be okay. I focused on the noise Shawn made, needing the distraction to get my focus off the spiraling abyss that threatened to take over.
I forced myself to stand, freed Shawn from his high chair, and hugged him. He returned my hug briefly before pushing against me, wanting to get down.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
After Macy left, I spent the next few hours trying to work up the nerve to call Mal. I couldn’t believe I’d been so stupid. I hadn’t been thinking clearly at all last night. I sat in the rocking chair in Shawn’s room, watching him play. Deciding I could no longer put it off, I picked up my phone and dialed his number.
He answered on the second ring. “Hey, I was just getting ready to call you.”
“Oh...yeah? I would have called earlier but Macy was over.”
“Missing me already huh?”
“Um, yeah, sure.”
“That sounds real convincing.” His voice got muffled.
“Did I catch you at a bad time? Sounds like you’re eating.”
“Nope, I’m good. I can multitask.”
I looked over at Shawn, who started banging his cars together. Mustering up the strength to be a good mom to him had been a struggle some days. Things were better, but adding another life into the mix...
Malcolm’s voice cut through my thoughts. “Baby, whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not as bad as you’re thinking.”
“Condoms.”
“Um, penis.”
I laughed at his comment. “What?”
