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ts, the easy excuses I relied on all ran through my head. He deserved better. That one screamed the loudest. Running was easy. Running didn’t hurt.
No. I needed to fix this.
“Tell me all of it, Malcolm.”
Chapter 40
Malcolm
I closed my eyes not wanting to remember what happened last night, but being unable to forget. It all happened so fast. One minute we were okay, and the next was the worst moment of my life. Ginger touched the scratches she’d caused. I deserved them, and a hell of a lot more. Fuck! Part of me was worried about the fact she didn’t remember, but a bigger part of me was relieved.
Now she wanted me to tell her. To remind her of how much she’d feared me last night. When she’d walked outside this morning, the first thing I wanted to do was hold her. To make sure she was okay, and to apologize for sending her into another attack. What came out was me giving her an escape.
“Malcolm. Please tell me.” Her voice was small, but that fearful look from last night had vanished. That fact alone gave me a little peace of mind.
“You aren’t the one that needs to apologize. Not by a long shot. I fucked up last night, and I’m sorry for that. I pushed. I pushed too much. Again. And I’m sorry. Sorry doesn’t even cut it. There needs to be a better word for how regretful I am.” If ever there was a time in my life I could have cried from being so lost, last night was it.
She shifted, and I thought she was pulling away. Instead she kissed the scratches on my chest before stretching up to try and kiss me. I turned my head, letting her make contact with my cheek.
“Oh…am I no longer allowed?”
“It’s not that. Let me just finish my shower, and then we’ll talk.”
She frowned before taking a step back. I expected her to get out of the shower, but she didn’t. I watched in shock as she started to unbutton her top.
“What are you doing?”
She pulled off the soaked garment and tossed it to the back of the shower. She then wiggled out of her shorts and tossed them away as well. “You want to shower, so we’ll shower. I’m already in here and wet, so why waste more water?”
I tried my damnedest to look above her head and not at her now naked body. I couldn’t let my thoughts go there. Not after last night. She stepped forward to reach for the soap behind me. Her breasts brushed against me as she did. My spacious shower shrunk in size.
After showering as quickly as possible, I left the bathroom, pulling the door closed more for my sake than hers. I was dressed and heading out of the room when Ginger finally walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. Her hair was still wet and matted to her head. When she looked at me, I could tell she’d been crying. She grabbed her bag then headed back into the bathroom, closing the door softly.
“Fuck!” I dropped down onto the bench at the foot of the bed and waited.
When the door opened again, I didn’t look up, but slid over so she could sit. Her fingers trailed down my forearm until they reached my hand.
She laid her head on my shoulder. “Isn’t this my thing?”
“What?”
“The not talking thing. My bad habits are rubbing off on you.”
I laughed. “Such a bad influence.” Pausing, I looked over at her. “I thought you crying after we were together was the worst that could happen. I was wrong. You thought I was attacking you or something. You started begging me not to hurt you and fought to get away from me.”
I’d spent most of last night trying to not make things sexual, and in the end it’d been one big losing battle. I’d lost control and sent her into another attack as a result. The more I’d tried to calm her, the more she’d fought. I was disgusted with myself and the enormous ways I kept managing to fuck up.
“After you passed out, I put you back in bed and slept downstairs. Figured you’d want to be alone considering—anyway, I locked the door and left.”
Ginger moved, forcing herself onto my lap. Her arms wrapped around my neck, and she rested her head on my shoulder. She didn’t say anything, so I just held her. The wetness from her hair seeped through the fabric of my T-shirt. It was cold and uncomfortable, but I didn’t complain.
“You probably think I’m completely nuts.”
I laughed. “You’re friends with Macy. I’ve known you’re nuts for a long time.”
She sat up to look at me, with a frown marring her beautiful face. “I’m starting to understand why she calls you a jerk.”
“Ouch!”
