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I glanced at Olaf, but Nicky spoke up and got me to look at him. “I mean fighting when it’s all on the line. When if I don’t win the fight, he kills me.”
I stared at him, studying his face and trying to see if he was serious, and of course he was. “I’ve fought people to stay alive, knowing if I lost, they’d kill me. I didn’t enjoy it.”
“I know you don’t, and if your life is at risk, or the lives of any of the people we care about, then it’s not fun.”
“But you still miss it for yourself?” I asked.
Nicky nodded.
“I understand what he means,” Edward said.
“Okay. Explain it to me,” I said.
“It’s the same thing that makes me want to test myself against the biggest and baddest monster I can find.”
“It’s a way of knowing who’s the best,” I said.
Edward nodded.
I looked from my best friend to one of the loves of my life and back again. Then I looked at Olaf. “And you understand what they’re talking about, don’t you?”
“I do.”
I looked at Ethan. He raised his hands. “Don’t look at me. That’s not how I think.”
I looked at the two SEALs still guarding their respective doors. “How about you guys?”
Custer shook his head. “I like to test myself, but not like that, and I don’t want to ever fight Nicky for real.”
Milligan laughed. “I’ll second that part, and I’m not one of your lovers. I’m not even trying out for the job, so I don’t have to answer the other question, or are there questions? Either way, I don’t hav
e to answer.”
“You’re right. It’s pretty personal. Sorry. I have bad boundaries sometimes.”
“You’re just used to dating almost everyone in a room,” Angel said.
“You didn’t ask us the question,” Pierette said, voice quiet but firm enough to fill the room.
“What question?” I asked.
“What we miss by being bound to you.”
“I don’t think Angel misses the kind of things that the guys do, but if I’m wrong, then say something.”
“It was sexist of you to ask only the men,” Angel said, “but I don’t want to fight for my life with fists or weapons. I’ll fight if I have to, and you know I train, because we all train, but I don’t train like the rest of you do. It doesn’t interest me the way it does you.”
“You’re a social worker and a counselor. You don’t usually have to resort to fisticuffs in your line of work,” I said.
“You’d be surprised, but it’s not nearly as dangerous as your job.”
“So, you don’t miss anything?”
“I miss New York, even with the terrible rents and the terrible pay for jobs. I hated giving up my life there at first, but I really enjoy working with Micah and the Coalition. I think we do a lot of good work for a lot more people across the country than I could have reached as a standard social worker.”
“I’m sorry that you had to give up your life in New York,” I said. “Do you want to go back there? I mean, I know you said you enjoy working with the Coalition, but I want you to be happy, so . . .”
Angel slid off the bed and came to me, putting her fingers gently against my lips, so I had to stop talking. “And that is why we love you, because you really, truly want all of us to be as happy as humanly and superhumanly possible.” She took her fingers away and kissed me gently; it was barely a brush of lips.
