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"No, secret love is a painful thing, torture. To find excuses to be alone, to steal a kiss and embrace, to hold hands behind walls... all of it is so difficult, so tantalizing.
"And then to say goodbye was the height of agony, goodbye not only to him but to you, for what I thought would be forever and ever. I used to tell myself I was surely being punished for sins
committed before me or sins I would yet commit. Of course, your father used all his powers of persuasion to convince me otherwise.
" 'Love is often an accident of the moment.' he told me. 'an unexpected clap of thunder. I will not permit you Or myself to think of it as anything evil, any sort of punishment.' As he quoted to me. 'it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.' "
"What a different sort of man he was with you." I said, unable to keep myself from being envious, jealous of her knowing so warm and wonderful a side of him. "He was just beginning to be that man with me."
She smiled and we hugged.
When we parted. Linden was in the doorway. "I've made a decision," he began.
"Oh," Mother said, glancing at me in
anticipation. "And what is that. Linden?"
"I've decided we definitely should go back into the main house, but only after it is thoroughly cleaned and all evidence of the Eatons ever having been there is expunged," he said.
"Okay," Mother said, pretending she and I were actually waiting all this time for his approval of the idea.
"And we'll start over, as a new family,"
"That's what we want. Linden. yes. That's what we intend to do."
"And we'll help each other and trust each other and never betray each other."
"No, we never will," Mother said. He looked at me. "We never will," I repeated.
He smiled and came toward us, stood before us a moment, and then threw his arms around both of us.
"My girls," he said. "I won't let anything bad happen to my
Then he released us as quickly as he had embraced us, turned, and marched out of the kitchen.
Mother and I looked at each other, not knowing whether we should cry or laugh with joy.
"Maybe we will all be okay again," she said. "In time, maybe we will."
.
We had a wonderful dinner together. Linden listened with interest as I described my meeting with Professor Fuentes and my class schedule. The conversation was so bright and cheerful. He even expressed some interest in taking a class in art.
That way I can sound as if I know what I'm doing as well as do it," he declared, and we all laughed.
Afterward, we sat on the loggia and had coffee. Mother talked about Linden's and my grandmother, Jackie Lee Houston Montgomery,
She had a lot of self-confidence," Mother said. "I remember how strong she was after my father was killed. That early part of my life seems like a dream now. I sometimes wonder if it ever really happened or if I imagined it.
"My father doted on me, treated me like a little princess. Back then. I truly believed all of life would be like one long and perfect summer day, not too hot or humid, with a breeze that filled you with hope and expectation.
"It's so important to have expectations, to have something to look forward to," she continued, directing her words almost equally to Linden and me. "You have to make room for hope in your heart. You can't live in fear of being disappointed all the time. You have to take some risks. That's what I learned from your grandmother."
It had to be hard for your mother to start all over in a new place with a young daughter along," I said. Linden nodded.
"Especially this place," he muttered.
'Jackie Lee, as she liked to be called, had more than just grit. She had a fire burning in her. My father's tragic death was devastating for her and she spent a long time in mourning, but she came out of it. I remember, with a blazing anger at the world that gave her the strength to meet one challenge after another.
