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She nodded gratefully. and I stepped off the loggia and followed Linden into the night.
He was standing at the edge of the water as if he were teasing the tide that reached inches from his feet. He stood with his hands in his pockets.
"I love the warm evening sea breeze." I said as I approached him.
He didn't respond. I stood beside him and gazed out at the sea. An ocean liner was sliding across the horizon, its many lights festive. Although we couldn't hear anything. I imagined the music and the food and how excited and happy all of the passengers were, embarking from a Florida port on the start of their cruise.
"Do you ever want to go on one of those cruises?" I asked. He turned slowly,
"I've been on a cruise with my grandmother. I was only fourteen. Grace wouldn't go. She hardly came out of the house in those days, much less mixed with people socially. Grandmother Jackie Lee loved parties, and a cruise like that was just a continuous party."
"Did you enjoy it?"
"No," he said quickly. Then he added. "Most of the time I didn't, but back then I still thought Jackie Lee was my real mother. so I did what she wanted me to do. Once," he said, gazi
ng at the ship. '1 met a nice girl who promised to write to me. She was from New York."
-She never wrote?"
"People make more promises on cruises, promises they won't keep. That's what Grandmother Jackie Lee told me."
"You must have been very fond of her."
"I was, but even a woman with her strength and insight could easily become a victim," he said through tight lips. "What happened to her. what Kirby Scott did, wasn't her fault. He could charm a snake. Men like him know what buttons to push in a woman, what fantasies to promise, and they always have a good and seemingly reasonable excuse for their selfish acts.
He almost had Jackie Lee convinced he didn't rape Grace, you know. He almost had her believing it was Grace's fault. That was part of what... what drove her mad. How would you like it if your mother believed you were responsible for something like that? It wasn't what he had done to Grace that turned him out of the house: it was what he had done to our fortune. He left because there wasn't am-thing left to plunder here.
"Grace knew that deep down, and it broke her heart. It broke mine, too. when I learned it all," he said.
How clear and in control of himself he suddenly sounded, but he also sounded like someone speaking in a state of hypnosis. His eyes never left the ocean liner until it disappeared over the horizon,
"People are complicated. Linden," I said. "It seems we spend most of our lives forgiving someone for something. If we didn't, we would live with little balls of hate and anger choking us inside.
"It's easy for me to say. I know, but you've got to let go of some of the past. Linden. You've got to think about the future more and more."
"Future," he said, laughing. "What sort of future do I have?"
"A good one. You're going to do wonderful things artistically. We're going to create a new home for Grace, and you're going to get out and meet more people and travel and do all the things you've dreamed of doing."
He looked at me as if I was the one suffering mental turmoil,
"You will." I insisted. "but you've got to stop worrying about me so much. I'll be fine. I won't fall into any traps,"
In the light of the stars, his face glowed, and I could see him raise his eyebrows and tighten his lips at the corners.
"Besides," I said. "I want you to get yourself strong and well enough so that if I do slip, you'll be there to pull me up. okay?" He nodded softly,
"Be my big brother," I urged. "Be the brother I never had, but so desperately needed."
His smile widened and softened.
I put my arm around his waist and pressed my head to his shoulder for a moment.
When I raised it, he was glowing brighter than the stars. "Let's keep walking," I said, taking his hand.
We said nothing more. We simply strolled along the beach and back. The silence was like a balm on our old wounds. That and the night filled with boat lights and starlight dazzled us. It was the warmest, closest time we had vet had together.
And when we returned, the healthy, happy radiance on Linden's face filled my mother's heart with joy.
