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or be ashamed of it.
"'Boys who grope girls are bad. It doesn't make
you feel good inside, right?'
"'No,' I agreed. He was definitely right about
that, and if he was right about that, why wouldn't he
be right about the rest of it?
"'Good touching is gentle, soft,' he said and as
he spoke, he showed me.
"'Close your eyes,' he said. 'That's it. You
shouldn't be afraid to sleep,' he whispered. His hands
were under my nightgown and he moved his fingers
softly, gently over me as he chanted, 'Be still, be
happy. See, this is good touching It's like petting a
dog or a cat,' he said, 'and you know how that pleases
them. See, it's pleasing you. You'll sleep now.' "His touching didn't relax me. It felt like a tense
wire was coiling tighter and tighter inside my
stomach. His hands were soft, gentle, but they were
moving everywhere, and it made me even more
nervous than I already had been.
"'Easy,' he said when I tried to squirm away.
'You've got to relax your body and not be afraid of
good feelings.'
"I kept myself as still as I could.
"'That's it,' he said. 'That's better. See?' "My body felt tense. I tried to keep my eyes
closed and go to sleep, but it was hard to relax with
him still touching me. Finally, he stopped and stood
up.
"'Good night,' he whispered. 'We'll keep it all
secret,' he promised. 'All that's happened will be part
of our big special secret. Don't worry. Your mother
