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"'Yes,' I said. He put his nose against me and inhaled so hard, I thought I might be drawn up his nostrils. Then he planted another small kiss on my neck, patted me on the hip, and left the room.
"You probably wonder why I remember so many details. That was because my father was so confusing to me. Sometimes he acted as if I was invisible and sometimes, he would stop and stare at me so hard, I couldn't help my heart from thumping. This was one of those times."
I paused and gazed down at the floor for a moment. I could feel their eyes on me and then I caught them looking nervously at each other. Doctor Marlowe had templed her fingers beneath her chin and rested her elbows on her knees as she waited, too. Lunch tumbled in my stomach, but I swallowed back any gagging.
For me it was like making a big, wide turn in my story. The worst was yet to come and I knew it, and from the sound of their silence, I knew the girls were aware of it, too. They looked worried for me. They looked like they really cared.
"The next day I hadn't forgotten what my father had said, but I was very occupied with my schoolwork and thinking about the dance. At school all the girls were talking about it. Most of them had been to dances like this before and many knew a number of the boys who would be attending.
"I sat to the side in the cafeteria and listened to the older girls talk about it, trying to learn as much as I could so I wouldn't appear like such a fish out of water when I attended. When I heard some of the girls describe what they were going to wear, my heart sank. Most were going to dress in clothes my mother had vetoed. Everyone but me would be in style.
"I had already been plagued by nightmares in which I arrived at the dance and the whole party stopped as one girl and boy after another looked my way. Even the sisters looked amused at what I wore. Then, they all broke out into hysterical laughter and I ran out of the building into the night, tears streaming down my reddened cheeks.
"I was coming to the conclusion that I shouldn't go to the dance, that it would be worse for me afterward. All my chances to have any sort of normal social life, to make friends, to be invited to anything else, would be washed away th
e moment I entered that decorated gymnasium, I thought. I decided I just wouldn't go. I was sure my mother would be happy about that decision."
"Damn," Star muttered.
"But," I said, "I didn't have to make that decision." The girls all widened their eyes and waited.
"After my mother had left the house, my father came to my room. He knocked and entered and under his arm was a big box.
"'What's that?' I immediately asked.
"'Part of our special secret,' he told me. 'You better not tell her about this, or I'll be drawn and quartered at sundown the day after your dance,' he warned and put the box on my bed. He stepped back.
"I just stared down at it.
"'Well, open it and look!' he cried and laughed.
"I approached it slowly and took off the cover. There in the box was a new dress, a real dress, green velvet with a knee-length skirt and spaghetti straps and some beads on the right side. It was the most beautiful dress I had ever seen. He even bought me shoes to match it!
"'How can I wear this, Daddy?' I asked, astounded. 'Mother won't let me.'
"'She won't know. You'll put on the dress she made you buy and after we leave the house, we'll pull over and you'll put on this dress,' he said nodding at the box. 'You won't have a mirror to check yourself out, but I'll be your mirror,' he offered. 'Put it on. Let's see how right I was about your size and such,' he added.
"He stood there with his long arms folded under his chest and waited. My heart was pounding. Changing in front of him was truly doing something forbidden, but I was too excited about my beautiful new dress to care.
"I quickly unbuttoned and removed my blouse, took off my skirt and slipped into the dress. He came behind to zip me up and then he turned me toward the mirror.
"'Like Cinderella,' he said. 'Look how beautiful you are now.'
"I was actually frightened by my own appearance. The dress fit a bit snugly, especially the bodice, and there was just the suggestion of the beginning of my cleavage. Would the nuns turn me away? Wasn't Daddy afraid of that?
"'Perfect,' he said instead. 'That's a dress.'
"'What if Mother hears about this?' I asked him
"'It's a green dress, too. Besides, she won't hear about it. Where does she go to be able to hear such things? Well?'
"'Oh Daddy!' I cried. Tears were filling my eyes. 'Thank you.'
"I gave him a hug and he kissed the top of my head and held on to me for a long moment.
"Then he held me out, at arm's length, looked me over, nodded and smiled.
"'Now,' he said, 'it's time for your lessons.'
