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I hurried on to get out of my dirty uniform and clean up. I wanted to take a long, hot shower and wash my hair so it smelled fresh and clean for Jimmy. I'd choose one of the nicer outfits from Clara Sue's hand-me-downs and brush out my hair so it shone the way it used to before all this happened. This could be the last night Jimmy and I spent together for years, I thought. What I wanted to do was bring back happier memories, help him to recall the times when we were all cheerful and hopeful. I needed to bring back the memories as much for myself as for him.
As soon as I got into my room, I stripped off my uniform and tossed it in the corner. I took off my underthings and my shoes and socks. Then I wrapped a towel around my body and went to the little bathroom.
. It always took a few minutes to get the water hot, so I turned it on and stood back to wait when all of a sudden the bathroom door was thrust open behind me.
I gasped and quickly scooped up the towel to wrap around myself again. Philip, smiling coyly, eyes big and bright, stepped in and closed the door behind me.
"Philip, what are you doing? I'm taking a shower!" I cried.
"So? Go ahead. I don't mind." He folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against the door provocatively.
"You get out of here, Philip, before someone comes along and hears you in here."
"No one's coming along," he said calmly. "Grandmother's busy with guests; Father's in his office, Clara Sue's with her friends, and Mother . . . Mother is debating whether or not she is well enough tonight to come to the dining room. We're safe," he said, smiling again.
"We're not safe. I don't want you in here. Please . . . go," I begged.
He continued to gaze at me, his eyes moving from my feet to my head, drinking me in with pleasure. I tightened the towel around my body, but it was too small to be an adequate covering. When I brought it higher to cover my breasts, it came up too far on my thighs, and when I lowered it, most of my bosom was revealed.
Philip's tongue moved across his lips as if he had just finished eating something delicious. Then he grinned wickedly and took a step toward me. I backed up until I was against the wall.
"What are you doing, getting all cleaned and dressed for Jimmy?"
"I'm . . . getting ready for dinner. I did a lot of work today, and I'm not very clean. So go. Please."
"You're clean enough for me," he said. I cringed as he drew closer. In a moment he had me pinioned in his arms, with his palms flat against the wall to prevent my escape. His lips brushed my cheek.
"Philip, are you forgetting who we are now and what has happened?"
"I'm not forgetting anything, especially," he said kissing my forehead and moving his lips toward mine, "our night under the stars when we were interrupted by my idiot friends. I was about to teach you things, things you should know by your age. I’m a very good teacher, you know. You'll be grateful and you don't want to learn these things from just anybody, do you?" He dropped his right hand to my shoulder.
"You've had a taste of what it's like," he said softly, his eyes fixed on me. "How can you not want more?'
"Philip, you can't. We can't. Please."
"We can as long as we know when to stop, and I promise I know that. I keep my promises, too. I'm keeping my promise to help you: with Jimmy, aren’t I?" he said, raising his eyebrows to drive home his point.
Oh, no, I thought. Not Philip, too. Both he and Clara Sue were taking advantage of Jimmy's troubles to get me to do things.
"Philip, please," I pleaded. "This doesn't feel right anymore. I can't help it. I'm just as sorry as you are that it's turned out this way, believe me; but there nothing we can do about it but accept it."'
"I accept it. I accept it as another challenge,” he said, slipping his hand farther down to run his fingers along the top of my towel. I clutched it desperately.
"But it’s not fair," he said, his face suddenly turning dark and angry. "You knew how much I want to touch you and hold you, and you led me to believe it wou
ld happen."
"But it's not my fault,"
"It's nobody's fault . . . or maybe it's your other father's fault, but who cares right now? As I said," he continued, working his forefinger in and under the top of my towel, "we don't have to go as far as ordinary, unrelated men and women do. It won't mean anything then, but I had promised you I would show you—"
"I don't need to be shown."
"But I do," he said, forcing the towel down against my inadequate grip. I tried twisting away, but that only helped him get a better grip and the towel slipped of my breasts. His eyes widened with appreciation.
"Philip, stop!" I screamed. He gripped the inside of my elbows, pinning my arms back.
"If anyone hears you, we'll all get into trouble," he warned, "you, me, and Jimmy especially." He brought his lips to my nipples, moving quickly from one to the other and then back again.
