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What else could I tell her? I wondered.
"Should I?"
"Of course. If you let him see how much it bothers you, he's sure to change," I promised, even though I had serious doubts deep in my heart.
She smiled.
"It's nice to have someone like you to speak to," she said. "I felt bad about coming to see you after all you've had to do today," she added, "but I couldn't help myself."
"It's all right." I patted her hand, and she looked quite reassured.
"I'll be with you to greet the guests tonight and smooth things over," she promised. "Philip hasn't returned yet and doesn't know about poor Mr. Parker."
"He'll know soon enough," I said, standing. She rose, and we walked to the door.
"I'll go to the children's dining room to see how the children are doing with their di
nner," she said, and she kissed me on the cheek. "Thank you again."
I smiled and opened the door. I watched her walk off, and then, after she rounded the corner and disappeared, I couldn't help myself. I hurried down the corridor and swung through the lobby to the family section. Quickly, before anyone would take much notice, I walked to the stairway and went up to my old suite. The door was closed but unlocked.
I opened it and entered. We had left all the old furniture here, having bought new things for the house, along with new linens, pillowcases and blankets. I stepped into the bedroom and stood staring ahead, my arms crossed, my hands on my shoulders. For a moment it was as if the air were too hot to breathe. My face felt absolutely feverish.
The blanket was pulled back on the bed. Neatly laid out on the side where I slept was the nightgown—my nightgown —Philip had taken for Betty Ann to wear on their honeymoon. I approached slowly, anticipating. When I stood beside the bed it was there, just as I had suspected: the scent of my perfume. The pillowcase and sheet seemed saturated with it. The other pillow still had the imprint of Philip's head on it.
I stood there, unable to move, both frightened and fascinated with the bizarreness of it all. Then I thought I heard footsteps in the corridor outside, and my heart began to race. I went to the doorway and listened. If it was Philip coming home, I would hate to have him find me here, I thought. I didn't know how he would react; he would surely understand Betty Ann had come to see me to complain. The footsteps stopped at their door. I peeked around the jamb and saw it was Philip. He went into his suite.
The moment he disappeared I hurried out and down the stairs. I didn't look back. I felt as though I were fleeing from nightmares. I hurried through the family section and burst out into the lobby, never so grateful for the noise, the people and the activity. Catching my breath, I left the hotel for home to change for dinner.
Almost the moment I walked through my front door I felt how deeply I missed Jimmy. Perhaps it was because I was without him for the first time in our new home. So much of it had the feel of him. His favorite easy chair looked so empty to me, as did his seat at our dining room table. I was haunted by the clothing in his closet and the scent of his after-shave lotion in the master bedroom.
I dressed as quickly as I could and hurried back to the hotel to greet the guests for dinner. Betty Ann joined me, looking refreshed and happy again. Considering what she was going through with Philip, I was impressed with the style she showed, the poise, the ease with which she handled everyone and made them feel welcome.
"I asked Philip to meet me later. We're going to go somewhere private and have a cocktail and talk. Everything will be all right," she added, her eyes glimmering with hope.
"Of course it will," I said, but in the back of my mind I thought, she doesn't have any idea how deep her problem with Philip is.
He joined us moments later.
"I hear I missed a lot of excitement," he said, and then proceeded to tell me about another time a guest had died at the hotel.
"I don't think I was more than five or six, but I got a peek into the room and saw her sprawled out on her bed, her skin as white as fresh milk. But what I remember the most was how much makeup she wore. Apparently she had put it on just before the diet."
"Let's not talk about these things anymore, Philip," Betty Ann begged. "It's too unpleasant and makes me dreadfully nervous."
Both Philip and I turned to her because she sounded so much like Mother.
"Fine. Dinner?" He held out his arms for us to take so he could escort us both in. "With Jimmy gone, I'm doing double duty tonight."
"No thank you, Philip," I said. "I'm taking Christie back to the house and just having a little something tonight. You two enjoy," I added, and I left before he could react.
It wasn't really until the evening that the impact of Jimmy's going away hit Christie, too. Never before had one of us left and the other remained behind. The novelty wore off quickly as her precocious mind drove her to question after question.
"Why did Daddy have to go now? Why doesn't his daddy come here to see us instead? Why couldn't we all go along?" None of my explanations satisfied her. In the end she pouted. She had Michael's intolerance of things that didn't go her way.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when the phone rang. I hoped and prayed it was Jimmy. I was never so happy to hear his voice. After I told him how much I missed him, I described what had happened to poor Mr. Parker and how we had handled it.
"Sounds just awful," he said. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you."
