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I thought about it. Maybe I should leave immediately, run to the harbor of Logan's arms, where Troy was only a dimmed memory. Yet. . . yet. . I wanted to be at Farthy, more than ever now.
"No, it's just another day and a half," I said, trying to sound cheerful and self-controlled.
"You're upset. I'm sorry. It's hard for me, too, being away from you, but I keep telling myself, all this is really for Heaven."
"You're getting to be some smooth talker, Logan Stonewall," I said. He laughed. "I spoke to Tony this morning. He told me you went to a wonderful play last night."
"Yes."
"I'm sorry I wasn't there to go along, but I promise you, as soon as this is finished--"
"Don't make promises, Logan. Let's just take every day as it comes and goes," I said. There was a moment's silence.
"You sound very sad, Heaven. Is anything wrong? I mean, other than my having to stay over?"
"No," I said quickly. "I just don't want to suffer any disappointments."
"Sure. I understand," he said. "Mom and Dad send their regards."
"Thank them. Have you seen Fanny?"
"Fanny? No. She's . . I think she went somewhere with Randall Wilcox this week."
"She's still seeing him?"
"Now and again," he said quickly. "I'll call you tonight," he said. "Please, remember how much I love you."
"I will," I promised. After we ended the conversation, I just sat there for a while staring at the piano.
Haunted by love and confusion, I rose and went up to my suite. I must have fallen into a deep sleep right away, for when I awoke, it was almost dark and there was a gentle rapping at my door. It was Tony.
"The servants informed me you have been in your suite all day. You didn't even come out for lunch. Is anything wrong?" he asked, narrowing his steady gaze. I looked away, fearful that Tony, with his penetrating eyes, would see into my heart and find Troy's image there, vibrant and alive. Would I be able to keep the promise I made to Troy, the promise not to let Tony know I had seen Troy! How could I continue to act the same toward Tony, knowing that he had known Troy was alive and kept it from me? I resented him for not telling me the truth, yet I realized he was only trying to protect me.
"Just a summer head cold," I said. "I took a few aspirin and fell asleep."
"You must have gotten a chill last night after we left the theater. Feeling better?"
"A little."
"Is it warm enough in here?" He looked around the sitting room.
"Oh, yes."
"Well," he said. He appeared uncomfortable, standing in the doorway, but I hadn't invited him in. All I could think of was closing the door and returning to my bed. "You spoke to Logan, I assume,"
"Yes. Sounds as if everything's going well."
Tony shrugged. "There are a few glitches. I'll probably fly down there tomorrow just for the day. Want to go along?"
"No, I don't think so. If it's nice, I'd rather sunbathe here for a while."
"Okay. See you at dinner?"
"If you don't mind," I said, "please have something sent up. I'd rather take dinner in the suite tonight. I'm still not feeling a hundred percent."
He raised an eyebrow and studied me even more intently. Surely now he will realize what I have discovered, I thought. I didn't have his inscrutable face. I was more like Jillian. My emotions were usually undressed, parading about my eyes and lips, ready to announce each and every feeling within my heart.
"Perhaps I should send for Doctor Mallen," he suggested.
